Uncategorized – Page 8 – Light to grow in; reflections by Genevieve Howard

Last quarter: the quarter that counts

October 1, 2014October 1, 2014Posted in UncategorizedTagged change, faith, family, football, personal growth3 Comments

My son Derek #73 goes for a tackle. Photo courtesy of Erin McGruder. — My son, Derek, #73, goes for a tackle. Photo courtesy of Erin McGruder.

I’m an ignorant football mom. Supportive but ignorant. Although it’s the second year of my son playing football, I have barely more knowledge than I did at the beginning of his football career.

A friend who understands football asked me what my son plays. “He has a new role this season,” I answered.

“A new role? Don’t you mean position?” he asked.

“Yeah, that’s right. New position,” I said. “I don’t remember what it’s called, but he’s on the line.”

“On the line” means something, although I don’t know what. They all seem to line up on both sides, except for the quarterback. Maybe they’re all “on the line” except for him?

On the line. Photo courtesy of Erin McGruder.

I learned there are people who hold exclamation point-type markers attached with a chain to show the distance the team needs to move the ball. They might be called the chain gang?

Realizing the distance was marked made the game much easier for me to follow.

Staying strong in the last quarter. Photo courtesy of Erin McGruder.

Even with my self-confessed obliviousness, I know the last quarter is the most important quarter. Teams can make comebacks and last-minute turnarounds.

The game is won in the last quarter.

When this year started, you had dreams, inklings, whispers, desires, questions and hopes. Find them again. Follow them again. Feed them again.

This is the last quarter of 2014. This is the one that counts.

Blessing

Lord, bless us with bravery and trust when we hear your calling.
Bless us with patience and trust when we don’t.

Tell me your thoughts!

How will you revive a dream you’ve let slip?

Say the wrong thing

September 24, 2014September 24, 2014Posted in UncategorizedTagged God, relationships11 Comments

I’m a natural-born worrier. Through the course of my life, I’ve worried about the future, people I know, people I don’t know, my poor abilities as a child newt keeper, my poor abilities as an adult houseplant grower.

I have worried many times about what to say when someone I know has something bad happen. There are the big events, like death or a dangerous diagnosis. But the small ones can be overwhelming too. A job loss, a disappointment, a breakup after weeks of hopeful dating.

In my worry, I used to keep silent.

Now I dare to say the wrong thing.

What is the right thing to say after he finds out he’s HIV positive, or she receives the words from the doctor: aggressive and malignant? What to say when someone miscarries again or grieves a loss that seems unbearable?

It’s all going to be wrong, really, because there are no words that can do what we want for our beloved ones. We want to heal them, cure them and give them long, full and happy lives.

If only words could do that.

Yet saying anything is better than keeping quiet. Silence sounds suspiciously like rejection.

Say, “I care about you. I’m here for you. I’m ready to stand with you as you go through this.”

Anything we say might not be strong enough. It might not be good enough.

But we have to keep trying. We have to acknowledge one another’s pain.

I used to worry about saying the wrong thing.

Now I try to say what’s on my heart.

Like small porcelain cups of tea, sweetened with good wishes, I offer my words. Sometimes they are the wrong words. I can only hope my loved ones forgive me.

Blessing

Lord, let the words of my lips
bring comfort. Let them be soft
as angel food.

Give us courage to show
our true pain and strength
to respond to suffering in kindness.

Tell me your thoughts!

Where do you find the words for difficult times?

Believing the myth of perfection keeps you from joy

September 17, 2014September 17, 2014Posted in UncategorizedTagged affirmations, joy, personal growth6 Comments

If you were perfect, what would you be like? How would you dress, walk and talk?

Most of us keep an image of perfection in our minds that we truck out. We compare ourselves against it.

Perfect Gen wouldn’t spill tea down her front minutes before teaching class. Perfect Gen probably wouldn’t be addicted to tea and certainly would be coordinated.

As real Gen, I had to squeeze out what I could of my soggy shirt and do my best. If spilling tea is the risk I have to take as a tea drinker, then I will deal with it.

Lessons from pasta

I watched a food show that made me hungry and thoughtful at the same time. Hungry because it looked delicious. Thoughtful because the hosts mentioned that rough pasta is the tastiest. Why?

Perfectly smooth pasta can’t soak up sauce as well as pasta with some texture on the surface. The surface might seem too rough at first glance but once the pasta is in the sauce, it’s beautiful.

Perfect or joyful

Perfection can be an enemy of joy. Instead of seeing the beauty around us in people, our homes and ourselves, we wrestle with wanting to be flawless. We become prisoners of our own minds and judgments.

We chide ourselves to improve. A mother thinks she should be kinder and more patient, even after hours of playing Legos with her son. An artist imagines the painting should hold more emotion and thought, although declared stunning by others. A woman looking at herself in a mirror concentrates on imagined spots when everyone only notices her smile.

How do we find contentment if we cannot be perfect in this life?

Joy lives in being present to moments as they are in messy, glorious days. Cups of teas spill. Tea-soaked teachers teach.

Our rough edges are the places where we can best soak up all the flavors of life.

Blessing

God, you who hold all our tomorrows,
remind us of the joy in today.

We can relax and trust in the new beginning
you offer us.

Bless us now in our imperfection.
Help us focus on living out your love in the world.

Tell me your thoughts!

What does the perfect version of you look like? How do you use that image against yourself?

In the news: red scarf and book launch

September 10, 2014September 10, 2014Posted in UncategorizedTagged Book, crochet, friendship, Writing4 Comments

What a pleasure to celebrate our book this week! I felt honored that so many friends and fans chose to come to our book launch party. Despite the rain, we had a full house. Thank you for braving the downpour! You are my people! I loved seeing all of you.

Many of you who couldn’t make it were there with us in spirit. I’ll have photos and videos, stories and moments to share with you in an upcoming post.

My friend Robyn asked me how it feels to be a “celebrity author.”

I will tell you. It feels strange!

It reminds me of a year ago when I cut my hair short. I had many long hair habits I wasn’t aware of, including the pillow habit. When I put my head down on the pillow, I used to flip my hair up to the top of the pillow. For a solid six weeks, my hand went to my head to brush my hair up when I laid down.

Night after night, how surprised I was. No hair!

Then the night came when I put my head directly on the pillow without needing to sort out my hair first. I had no hair to tangle.

I learned how to be a person with short hair.

Now I am learning to be a person who lets her words live in public.

It’s tempting to protect my words. Keep them safe inside.

But how would I have adventures like this week?

I’m grateful to you for making a home for my words in your minds and hearts. Your encouragement keeps me going, keeps me writing. God bless you.

Blessing

Lord, you are strength
when we are bruised, torn and questioning.
You are comfort
when loss crushes us and
we can’t stop the bleeding.
You are love
always seeking us even when
we can’t look up.

In the rain, in the night,
you are love, strength and comfort.

Always seeking us.
Always seeing us.

Tell me your thoughts!

Who is an author you think I should read to help me grow spiritually or as a writer?

My best tip for organizing your house in one weekend

September 2, 2014September 2, 2014Posted in UncategorizedTagged home, Humor, organizing11 Comments

Getting inspired by the Creative Hands book. Photo by Derek Howard.

Fall is a great time to get organized. Soon we’ll be spending more time indoors. Isn’t a clean spacious house that smells of apples and cinnamon welcoming?

My Get Organized in One Weekend to-do list included:

Purge clothes
Purge my homemade knitted and crochet items
Trim dog nails

I started my weekend organizing with a trip to Goodwill on Friday. Maybe I would find something to help me organize, like bins or baskets.

Instead I found a fantastic vintage craft book called Greystone’s Creative Hands. It offered valuable advice like, “Remember, you will need to buy more yarn if you want to make the scarf longer.” (Italics mine. Note the use of the word, need.)

At home, I went through my collection of homemade scarves. I realized I only had 17. I didn’t have a single one that was six feet long, red and based on a pattern from 1974, as shown in my new (old) book.

I start the six-foot red scarf. Photo by Derek Howard.

I knew I immediately needed to get to work on it. I could use up my scrap yarn. I had two partial skeins of red. Perfect! I cast on and started knitting.

In between knitting, I went through my clothes. I decided I would no more than five of anything, with the exception of homemade scarves. Five dress shirts, five dress pants, five long-sleeve V-necks. My closet and drawers now only have clothes that meet the criteria (“Does it make me look and feel good? Would I buy it today?”) from this handy list from White House Black Shutters.

Uh-oh…yarn crisis!

Two partial skeins would be nowhere near enough. After church on Sunday, I stopped by the craft store. I knew if I was going to make a six-foot scarf, I would need to get more yarn.

Of course, I got two jumbo-sized skeins. I wouldn’t want to run out mid-project, would I?

Back home. Back to work on the six-foot scarf. I heard the dog nails click as I knitted. But this scarf isn’t going to knit itself.

My top tip for getting your house organized in a weekend? Start a project that uses your scrap yarn like I did!

I’m starting the week feeling really proud of my organizing skills. Good luck with your fall cleaning—hope it goes as well as mine did.

PS–check out my very special knitting assistant

Knittin Kitten

Blessing

Lord, help us to know and accept ourselves as we are.
Bless our hands to your service and our homes to your glory.

Tell me your thoughts!

What would you like to accomplish this fall? Any home organizing plans? Or six-foot red scarf making in your future?

Ferns and the magic table

August 27, 2014August 27, 2014Posted in Uncategorized10 Comments

It’s entertaining to work in an office. People are amusing. My work is especially good because we have a magic table.

When we first moved into our building a few years ago, I had great plans for my office. I envisioned a large Boston fern in the corner.

Why a fern?

A fern said success to me. In my mind’s eye, I remembered all the up-and-coming yuppies in Minneapolis having lunch in fern bars.

Fern bars were popular in the 80s. Walk into this upscale restaurant and it would be all brass and wood, Tiffany lamps and ferns. If you could push back enough fronds, you might find a table where you could sit.

I never could push back enough fronds. I was always on the outside of fern bars looking in.

In the late 80s as a freshman in college, my outfit varied between a man’s brown tweed coat with leather elbows and a Russian army wool jacket, both bought “preworn” from the thrift warehouse Ragstock.

I lived in a shabby section of St. Paul. The closest I got to a fern bar was a dusty plastic plant in the corner of the coffee shop where I did my homework for classes at the U, the affectionate nickname for the University of Minnesota.

Is it time to let go of an idea, possession or aspect in your life?

Fast forward two decades. I was working as a web developer, about to move into my own office.

With high hopes, I bought a fern. Day one: majestic.

Day two: is this leaf looking brown?

Day three: a complete and utter shedding of fern fronds all over my floor.

Autumn for my fern plant arrived overnight as if my office had a severe frost.

In a panic, I looked online for an answer. Boston ferns are fussy and prone to shedding, I read.

Well, how successful does an office look with an anemic fern and a pile of dead leaves strewn about?

With a heavy heart, I realized that the fern would have to go. But where?

The magic table!

In our break room, you can put unwanted things on the table. And they disappear. Magic, right? I carried the rustling fern down to the table, leaving a trail of crumpled plant matter behind as I walked.

I left the fern with my well wishes and returned to my office for some much needed cleaning.

The next time I went to the break room, Ta-da! The fern was gone!

It’s a wonderful thing to work someplace with a magic table.

A word of warning based on experience: always check the expiration date on any snacks you might discover there before you eat them…

Blessing

Lord, help us let go of the things we no longer need.
Bless our possessions to help others.

Tell me your thoughts!

What are you letting go of now?

What happens when a pastor, a poet and an artist walk in a house?

August 20, 2014August 20, 2014Posted in UncategorizedTagged Book, Christianity, spirituality, WritingLeave a comment

A book!

Our newly published book is called Six Doors to the Seventh Dimension. It explores spirituality through the metaphor of a house offering a guided tour complete with poetic responses and artistic interpretations.

Upcoming events

Listen for us on the David Lile Radio Show on KFRU this Thursday, Aug. 21 at 8:30 a.m.

Become a Six Doors housemate at our official book launch party Friday, Sept. 5 at 6 p.m. in the Columbia Art League. Visit with us while enjoying wine and cheese. We will autograph copies and read excerpts. Our event is free and open to the public. See you there!

About the authors

You already know me, so I would like to say a bit about my friends. I recently asked them six questions about Six Doors.

Tim

Tim Carson is the narrator of the book. He is a bold person with a strong voice in his speaking, singing and written word. With a wonder and curiosity, he explores big ideas. He initiates change in people: how they think and feel and act. He makes new things happen, like this book as an example! One of the best huggers I have ever known, he does people good with his expressiveness and warm heart. He is willing to stand in the mystery.

Why did you decide to collaborate on this book?
I had a recent experience with collaboration through our local art league—one that paired writers with artists. The outcomes were something richer and more unexpected than any solo effort could create. So when the idea for Six Doors was hatched, I thought, why not? I am so thankful for the gift of that insight!

What was the hardest part of making this book?
The collaborative piece took more time, but I wouldn’t consider it hard. In fact, that was part of the fun. If you are willing to let go of some control, the outcome can be much better than any one person imagined.

For me, in my portion, the hardest part came as I shifted from the early part of the narrative that is pretty discursive to the final chapter that is clearly not. I had to change the voice and finding the way to do that without disrupting the flow was difficult. My fellow creators knew this was hard for me. They suffered with me in my relative confusion at that point and provided council in the ways they could.

Give us insight into what you think is different about this book.
The obvious difference that sets this book apart from so many others is the collaborative outcome itself. But there is also the schema of the house and its six doors. Using geographic referents is not new; it is found in classic literature from Dante to Chaucer to Merton. But the way that we used a physical schema—a house— to describe our anthropology and spiritual dimension beyond that does hold, I think, something new or at least fresh.

What are you working on now?
I’m working with an editor to provide a second edition manuscript to the publisher for my earlier book, The Square Root of God. Wipf & Stock should release it before the end of this calendar year.

How can we connect with you?
You could follow my blog at vitalwholeness.wordpress.com.

Any final tips for my readers on how to keep creativity flowing?
Look at the same thing from a different angle. Just because you’ve looked at the rose in the morning, it does not mean that it will appear the same in the afternoon or under the aspect of moonlight.

Set your mind and heart free from what you thought you had to create. Let your subconscious work for you, writing or creating after sleep, free-floating in the shower, piecing things together as you think of nothing beholding the river.

Jenny

Jenny McGee made the art in the book. With tender vulnerability, she dares to go beyond words into the places of deepest feelings and deepest questions. She wants to see people with clear and bright eyes. She delights in her children and encourages them to be true to themselves. Delicate and strong, she is both fine fluttering branches and deep roots anchored in the nourishing earth of her faith. Healer-artist-interpreter Jenny is the whole tree.

Why did you decide to collaborate on this book?
Collaborating on this book was a chance to grow spiritually free with two people I highly respect and also offer others a chance to heal and journey through the combination of message, artwork and poetry.

What was the hardest part of making this book?
The hardest part of making the book was facing my own judgments about the artwork. I had to work hard on silencing the critic inside of myself and trust that my visual interpretation of the message was successful. During the process I tried hard not to critique or judge the artwork so that my hand felt free and the artwork could evolve unrestricted.

Give us insight into what you think is different about this book.
This book is unique because it offers its readers three unique interpretations of the story. Everyone is invited into this house and welcome to unveil its dimensions. It is like three books in one with each part interconnected to the other.

What are you working on now?
Right now I am working on a large custom painting for a family in Kansas City. It will be a triptych that will hang in their living room and is an expression of them and their uniqueness as a family.

How can we connect with you?
Please connect with me at www.jennymcgeeart.com

Any final tips for my readers on how to keep creativity flowing?
To keep the creativity flowing I would suggest being keenly aware of the critics in your head and what they are saying to you. Once you identified them, whoever they are and what they are saying to you, it is time to kick them out of your house. One way to do so is to close your eyes and imagine what they look like. Hand them a bunch of imaginary flowers and say, “Good-bye, you are no longer welcome in my life. Take these roses and you may never come back.”

Box baby and my brother’s camera

August 13, 2014August 13, 2014Posted in UncategorizedTagged family, giving, relationships9 Comments

Suicide is hard. The way of death seems to define a life.

Entering the world is also hard; it’s often painful and awkward.

Before I got pregnant, I had the blessing to attend the births of my nieces. What an experience! I could feel a spiritual presence. The lighting was low and warm. Both times my sister-in-law snuggled her baby on her soft chest and rested in a glowy ease.

My own experience giving birth was bloody and medical; it involved screaming—my own. My son’s lungs weren’t strong enough to cry. The lights were bright. The machines were beeping. Six or seven medical professionals ushered my son in the world six weeks early. They placed him on my chest for all of two seconds. Then they whisked him off to intensive care to give him help breathing. His underdeveloped lungs weren’t quite ready to sustain his own life.

It wasn’t a joyous time. I was terrified of losing him. I had been on bed rest during my pregnancy for five months. Finally my baby had arrived, but it was still dicey. Would he live? Would he have developmental problems?

My brother and sister-in-law came to the hospital to meet my son. I took them on a walk through shiny halls to the neonatal intensive care unit. We looked through the window at the small wire-covered baby inside a plastic box. They said he was beautiful. They congratulated me. It was hard to hear them. The sound of my worry was loud in my head.

My brother said, “You need a camera?” He pulled the strap over his head and gave me his camera.

A film camera was an extravagant present in the mid-1990s. I couldn’t have afforded one myself. I accepted the gift with a grateful heart.

I took many shots of my new baby, tiny in his box. I paid extra to have my photos developed in one hour. I could visit my son four times a day in the neonatal intensive care. In between visiting times, I gazed at the photos of him. The camera was the perfect gift at just the right time.

My baby lived. I took many photos of him growing up. Now my son is a strong young man who runs fast.

My brother died of suicide. I remember him, and I work on remembering his generosity. I want the stories of his life to overcome the difficulty of his death. It’s a process.

Right now, you have a gift that is a tiny seed waiting in your heart. Its power will only grow once you place it in the heart of another. It might be the act of giving away a possession like a camera. It could be an act of service, honest words, a homemade meal, a hug or a smile for a stranger. I challenge you to give this gift this week.

Will your gift stop suicide? I don’t know.

I do know generosity softens the world, and our world could use softening.

Blessing

God, bless us to give
in your name.
Strengthen us to love
in your name.
Challenge us to change
in your name.

Tell me your thoughts!

What is on your heart to give this week?

Think you’re out of balance? Add this to your to-do list

August 6, 2014August 6, 2014Posted in UncategorizedTagged Christianity, faith, God, personal growth2 Comments

In the education portion of my recent Stephen Ministry meeting, we learned about the need for balance between giving energy outward and restoring energy inward. Too much giving creates burnout. Too much rest produces sluggishness.

Where would you fall on that spectrum? You can probably guess where I am.

I have lists from when I was 8 years old. Nothing like a good list to put things in order! Take care of something, cross it off. Next thing. Next thing. A list maker must have more things to put on the list. Next thing. Next thing.

On an average day, I make three lists: a personal to-do, one for work and one before I go to bed at night with any worries on my mind. I buy books of lists to keep my household on track. I avoid shopping without one. I’ve been known to make a list of pros and cons when faced with a tough decision. Lists give me a sense of control in a life of uncertainties and demands.

I love lists and hope to always be a list maker. But I want to use them for my good. My established list habit can be a tool to restore myself and strengthen my trust in God.

What would my life look like if I put “rest and refill my positive attitude” on the list as an item? I can build in more breaks between writing code, shopping for school supplies and caring for others. Well rested, I will have more patience and good humor.

How about if I added “spend time in friendship with God”?

I will take the time to relax over a cup of tea and ask God to help me recognize when my need to accomplish is coming from pride or fear. Yes, the laundry needs to be done, but I can stop for a moment and give myself a chance to hear God.

Even if all my items don’t get crossed off, I’ll see clearly the blessing that is my day-to-day life.

Blessing

Lord, our minds grow anxious
from undone things and outside demands:
jobs, family needs, losses, requirements, changes.

Place your holy hand of peace on our shoulders.
Remind us we can trust you.
Your kingdom is our destination.

The needs of the world are passing away;
we can rest in your mercy
and take comfort in your loving embrace.

Tell me your thoughts!

What do you feel that you have to take care of by yourself? How would it help to stop and rest with God? Where do you find you push yourself the hardest?

How to thrive after a midlife crisis

July 30, 2014July 29, 2014Posted in UncategorizedTagged change, Christianity, dream, faith, personal growth, positive thinking4 Comments

With my brother and sister and a birthday cake

Today’s my birthday! I thank God for the gift of my life.

I don’t always recognize what a gift it is. Ten years ago, I asked, “What am I doing with my life?”

I was hungry to learn. I read self-improvement books from the library, one after the other. I don’t remember which author offered this idea, but it stuck with me:

A plant doesn’t grow by positive thoughts. It has to receive light and water while planted in good soil.

This thought made me realize that it wasn’t enough to change my attitude. I needed to change my environment. I applied—multiple times—and found a job at the University of Missouri. It has been my place to thrive professionally for the past ten years.

These are the five things that helped me over my mid-life crisis.

Lead yourself and learn

Become the leader of your own life; have a vision. Where do you want to be? It’s up to you to guide your life where you want it to go.

I wrote down a description of what I wanted to be—a PR specialist—and that is close to what I do today.

I furthered my education and got my master’s degree. My degree helped me professionally and personally. I made friends in grad school I treasure to this day.

Decide on your destination, and lead yourself there.

Keep your eye on where you want to be, not on what is stopping you

I explored my vision and kept my eye on it.

My years of riding lessons make for great life lessons. When you’re riding horses over jumps, you can’t look at the jump. You look where you want to go. If you look down at the jump, you won’t get over it. I can hear the yell of my riding instructor, “Why are you looking at the ground? Is that where you want to be? Eyes up! Look where you are going!”

Keep your eye on your destination. If you keep your eye on the obstacle, you will feel overcome by its size.

There is no obstacle you can’t find a way around. Keep your eyes up!

Feel everything

Change involves discomfort. It hurts to grow and let go of old attachments or familiar ways of living. There is no escape from our feelings if we want to come out the other side.

I believe God reaches us most easily when we are at our lowest and most broken. That’s when we realize how much we need God and others. As social creatures, we can never be independent. We have to live in love and in community. The past ten years tested me. I lost a high school friend and my brother to suicide, and my mother to lung cancer.

I let grief change me; I gave myself over to mourning. The feelings were a wall of cold water crashing on me. My skin felt numb and raw at the same time. My eyes hurt from too much crying; my lids were made of sandpaper. I could go from angry to melancholy to blank to hysterical laughter all in the same five minutes.

As I grieved, I prayed to God with an intensity that I wished would never end. I felt an answer in a new-found closeness to the holy presence. Christ healed my heart.

I believe you are never alone in your suffering. Peace will come. Hard times will change you for the good if you let them. Keep breathing.

Go for it

Go for what you want!

It might not turn out. I’ve had some failures! With failure, you have a story to tell. Failure is easier than regret.

I took a risk to try writing publicly in 2013 on this blog, now I’m a published author. Thank you, my beloved readers, for being a part of this adventure!

Nurture a heart of gratitude

“Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:18

I give thanks for turning 45 today!

People complain about aging. I tell you, to be alive at any age is a blessing. When I think of my beloved ones who haven’t reached the age I am today, I know growing older is a blessing. We might gain an ache or two along with our wisdom, but life is precious, joyful and holy.

Have you noticed how older people appreciate the moments? There is such happiness in seeing the beauty of small things: a child’s smile, the way an iridescent blue fly drinks from a horse water trough, snuggling with your spouse in the morning before you have to get up, watching snow fall, playing string with a cat, the sound of waves on the beach.

May God bless me to be an old woman. I’m going to make a great one—puttering around to make hot tea with a small dog underfoot! I might stick my finger in my 80^th birthday cake and help myself to the icing before it’s served…