Tag: God

Say the wrong thing

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hand offering

hand offeringI’m a natural-born worrier. Through the course of my life, I’ve worried about the future, people I know, people I don’t know, my poor abilities as a child newt keeper, my poor abilities as an adult houseplant grower.

I have worried many times about what to say when someone I know has something bad happen. There are the big events, like death or a dangerous diagnosis. But the small ones can be overwhelming too. A job loss, a disappointment, a breakup after weeks of hopeful dating.

In my worry, I used to keep silent.

Now I dare to say the wrong thing.

What is the right thing to say after he finds out he’s HIV positive, or she receives the words from the doctor: aggressive and malignant? What to say when someone miscarries again or grieves a loss that seems unbearable?

It’s all going to be wrong, really, because there are no words that can do what we want for our beloved ones. We want to heal them, cure them and give them long, full and happy lives.

If only words could do that.

Yet saying anything is better than keeping quiet. Silence sounds suspiciously like rejection.

Say, “I care about you. I’m here for you. I’m ready to stand with you as you go through this.”

Anything we say might not be strong enough. It might not be good enough.

But we have to keep trying. We have to acknowledge one another’s pain.

I used to worry about saying the wrong thing.

Now I try to say what’s on my heart.

Like small porcelain cups of tea, sweetened with good wishes, I offer my words. Sometimes they are the wrong words. I can only hope my loved ones forgive me.

Blessing

Lord, let the words of my lips
bring comfort. Let them be soft
as angel food.

Give us courage to show
our true pain and strength
to respond to suffering in kindness.

Tell me your thoughts!

Where do you find the words for difficult times?

Think you’re out of balance? Add this to your to-do list

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tea

teaIn the education portion of my recent Stephen Ministry meeting, we learned about the need for balance between giving energy outward and restoring energy inward. Too much giving creates burnout. Too much rest produces sluggishness.

Where would you fall on that spectrum? You can probably guess where I am.

I have lists from when I was 8 years old. Nothing like a good list to put things in order! Take care of something, cross it off. Next thing. Next thing. A list maker must have more things to put on the list. Next thing. Next thing.

On an average day, I make three lists: a personal to-do, one for work and one before I go to bed at night with any worries on my mind. I buy books of lists to keep my household on track. I avoid shopping without one. I’ve been known to make a list of pros and cons when faced with a tough decision. Lists give me a sense of control in a life of uncertainties and demands.

I love lists and hope to always be a list maker. But I want to use them for my good. My established list habit can be a tool to restore myself and strengthen my trust in God.

What would my life look like if I put “rest and refill my positive attitude” on the list as an item? I can build in more breaks between writing code, shopping for school supplies and caring for others. Well rested, I will have more patience and good humor.

How about if I added “spend time in friendship with God”?

I will take the time to relax over a cup of tea and ask God to help me recognize when my need to accomplish is coming from pride or fear. Yes, the laundry needs to be done, but I can stop for a moment and give myself a chance to hear God.

Even if all my items don’t get crossed off, I’ll see clearly the blessing that is my day-to-day life.

Blessing

Lord, our minds grow anxious
from undone things and outside demands:
jobs, family needs, losses, requirements, changes.

Place your holy hand of peace on our shoulders.
Remind us we can trust you.
Your kingdom is our destination.

The needs of the world are passing away;
we can rest in your mercy
and take comfort in your loving embrace.

Tell me your thoughts!

What do you feel that you have to take care of by yourself? How would it help to stop and rest with God? Where do you find you push yourself the hardest?

4 free lessons from the Little Drummer Boy

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daisiesAs I begin my new book project, I struggle with that voice that says, “You’re not good enough.” While I can’t quiet the voice, I can remind myself that this book is my offering to God. I’ve been thinking of the Little Drummer Boy.

My mother was one to listen to Christmas songs year-round, or at least starting in August. She would break out the Mannheim Steamroller vinyl and turn the stereo up to at least 7.

She loved the classics as well as electronic music. One of her favorite songs was the Little Drummer Boy. This song tells the story of a young boy with nothing to give the baby Jesus. With Mary’s blessing, he plays his drum.

Without fail, my mother cried every time it came on.

I seem to have inherited her Little Drummer Boy crying syndrome. Now when I hear the song, I remember her feeling so touched. It brings tears to my own eyes.

The simplicity of the story means each generation can learn from the little drummer boy.

Give now. Don’t wait to be an expert to give your best to God.

The little boy didn’t say, “Wait, I need to take some drum lessons and get better before I offer my song. I will come back in a few years.”

As I was talking to my husband about the song, he said he imagines the little drummer boy played the drum the way young children play drums, in a clumsy, charming way. The song doesn’t say, “Then the very best child drummer—a kid so good that had he been on YouTube 2,014 years in the future, he would have had 1 million views—played for Jesus.” It only says that he played.

Be a proud beginner.

As adults, we get caught up in looking like we know what we’re doing. How we look seems to matter more than what we feel and experience. How many new things do we avoid because of fear and the idea of “I don’t want to look stupid”?

Children are beginners at everything, even self-consciousness. They haven’t learned to be self-conscious.

What if we approached something new with an attitude of openness without worrying about how we look?

Remember it’s OK to look like a beginner. It means you are beginning something new!

Offer what you have with your heart.

The boy was motivated by his love for the Lord in this song. He could have gotten caught up in self-pity that he had no frankincense.

Whether you are offering a prayer, a smile, a glass of water or a devotional—do it with spirit and goodwill. Let your love for the Lord motivate you. Whatever you have to give, if you give it with love, it will be enough.

Be present to the moment of giving.

The boy wasn’t half-drumming, distracted by the score of a game. He focused on what he was giving.

How often are you present? All the time? Most of the time? Or like me, sometimes, here and there, when I am not distracted by ponies and to-do lists?

Think of a Japanese tea ceremony with its deliberate patience. Instead of tossing your offering in an off-hand way, present it with intention.

Center yourself and give part of yourself. The recipient of your generosity will feel your presence. You will gain more from the giving.

Give well.

Blessing

Lord, let us give what we can now:

Smiles to the lonely,
Peace to the troubled,
Food to the hungry,
A hand to the stumbling,
An ear to those not heard.

If we don’t have big tithes
or fancy prayers,
time for overseas missions
or prayerful retreats,
let us give what we can now:

A kind word,
A welcome,
A thank you.

Let us be the people who turn around
someone’s day.

Guide us to become people who give
as you give:
extravagantly, excessively,
endlessly.

Tell me your thoughts!

How have you been blessed this week? What will you give out of love for God? What would you like to learn?

Doing it badly

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My first scarf in all its glory
My first scarf in all its glory

What would you like to try but you hesitate because you think you would do it badly?

Why do we feel if we can’t do something well, we shouldn’t do it at all?

Something happens to us between being kids and adults where our inner critic overtakes our sense of curiosity. We put looking good before having an adventure.

I’m here to say it’s worth looking foolish to do what you haven’t done before. Listen to the little thoughts.

Be a beginner. You don’t have to demand a full run at the start. Let yourself stumble.

Do a simple thing with love. That will be enough.

Little thoughts

After my mom died in 2009 from lung cancer, I wanted to honor her during her birthday month in 2010. One Saturday evening I was walking through Walmart and the thought came to me that I should learn to knit. Do you know those little thoughts—quiet, unexpected and easy to overlook—that guide you? It was one of those.

But that little thought grew in strength as I walked to the craft aisle. I chose a book called I Taught Myself Knitting that came with needles in the package. I picked out some teal yarn.

I had always said that I could never be a knitter because I imagined the arthritis in my hands would give me too much trouble. I wasn’t drawn to yarn but on that day, I dared to try it despite my expectation it would hurt.

My mom's knitting
My mom’s knitting

I felt happy as I finished my shopping. It seemed the perfect way to honor my mom by taking a month to learn the skill that brought her joy, calmness and human interaction. She was an impressive knitter, fast and able to accomplish complicated projects including a queen-size afghan with cables and ivy she made for my wedding.

The next day, we went to church. Before the service, I sat in the fellowship hall working on the new scarf project I had started the evening before.

Once the service started, my friend Pat stood up and talked about the spiritual nature of her knitting. I hadn’t known she was a knitter. She showed pieces of her work to the congregation and said the verse from Psalm 139, “For it was you who formed my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.”

It felt like God talking to me.

Moved to learn knitting on Saturday evening, I heard about knitting as a practice to bring you closer to the divine Sunday morning. My family remarked on the incredible nature of the occurrence.

Amazed and inspired, I went home and stumbled my way along the scarf. I added stitches, dropped stiches and was altogether mystified by the process of looping the yarn into a warm length of fabric. I kept going. How?

Our steps are made firm by the Lord, when he delights in our way; although we stumble, we shall not fall headlong, for the Lord holds us by the hand. Psalm 37:23-24

I finished my first scarf. Her birthday month was close to ending but I decided to try a prayer shawl. I prayed as I knitted.

I completed the first prayer shawl and made more: shawls, scarves, ponchos and sweaters.

After my first five months of knitting, I realized I’d been knitting the wrong way! I’d been doing twisted stitches the whole time. I laughed and kept going.

Lives looped together

My first prayer shawl done with twisted stitches
My first prayer shawl done with twisted stitches

My friends encourage me. They notice my work and appreciate my effort. Is my work good? Not really. Are my friends kind? Yes, beyond measure.

The quality doesn’t matter. It’s the process. There is purpose in trying and in doing. There is value in remembering those we love and trying to be like them.

Doing what my mom did brings me a deeper understanding of her. I forgive and appreciate her as I never did before.

This December will mark three years of working with yarn. I make simple things. I make gifts. As I make them, I pray that the wearer will be happy and at peace. I try to put a hug in the yarn as I work.

I’m messy. My pieces are often coarse and basic but it’s worth it to make the loops.

I let the loops connect to one another. One loop through the next loop, I pull them into a group. I link the circles again and again, building the piece as I go. At the end, all the stitches are joined together. Just like us. Just like people.

God bless you today as that little thought occurs to you and you find your next adventure.

I’m scared of you reading this blog

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Pixie runs in the snowWhether it’s biting spiders or sinkholes, we all have things we fear.

A common emotion, fear helps us when we’re in real danger. If we’re driving in bad weather, concern makes us respect the poor road conditions. When we’re passing a group of shady people, suspicion keeps us alert and motivates us to move away from a bad situation.

The problem is when fear becomes a stop sign instead of a warning. Fear can stop us from leading active lives where we participate in fun events and new adventures. People might worry about airplane crashes or shipwrecks so much that they don’t travel.

Fear often involves death, loss or some kind of ending such as the maximum entropy of the universe. Who hasn’t worried when a loved one doesn’t arrive home at the expected time? Who hasn’t felt anxious when the elevator stutters and seems to stop working? These are natural fears. We care about who we have in our lives and we prefer to be in control of our experience.

What about how we want to protect our egos and our social standing? We have a real need for others to accept us. We’re afraid of losing face, looking stupid and being embarrassed. Sometimes we dread others’ anger, rejection or judgment so much that we don’t say what we think.

This is my fear.

For me, 2013 is the time to face my social timidity and make this the year of my voice. I’m not a natural speaker or writer. I’m more comfortable being quiet and keeping my thoughts to myself, the words deep in private journals far from eyeballs. But just because it’s comfortable, is it right?

Sometimes the right thing for your life is the terrifying thing. Be open to your purpose. Where do you feel guided?

For me, I felt a calling to write and speak this year, despite how these things unnerve me. This is why I started this blog. Sitting in silence on the couch is safe. This blog seems dangerous. Speaking my mind seems dangerous. What if I speak and people hate what I say? What if I write this blog and I waste people’s time? What if, after I speak and write, people stop loving me?

Are you comfortable with how you deal with fear in your life? If not, here are some ideas so you can change your relationship with this feeling.

Replace fear with faith in 4 steps

Say to yourself, “I’m feeling scared.”

Simple acknowledgement of the feeling breaks its lock on your mind. Saying these words shifts the control from fear back to you. You can start making decisions again. Gather your thoughts and get your mind back. You’ll start seeing fear for what it is—a feeling—despite how it wants to disguise itself as fact.

My friend Shoshannah told me about this quote from Frank Herbert that she uses before she starts a martial arts sparring match.

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” (from Dune, Good Reads)

Breathe

A deep breath brings calm back. Breathe in, hold for a moment, breathe out. More oxygen allows you to think. Fear can make our hearts race and our breathing fast and shallow. Slower breathing brings back an easy rhythm to follow. You’ll return to being centered in your body.

Pray

Ask for strength, help and guidance. God will bless you. You don’t need to say a perfect prayer to a concept of a higher power that you completely understand at this moment. It’s OK to be scared and unsure. Your prayer will still be heard.

Do it anyway!

People who accomplish things aren’t always fearless people. They feel fear too but they go forward anyway. We can be like them.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Do one thing every day that scares you.” (Good Reads)

Keep your goals in mind. Think of all you have already lived through. You can do it. Have faith and go for it!

What do you fear that you’re working to overcome? What gives you courage? Tell me about it in the comments!

Special thanks to Tim Carson for inspiring this blog post and to all my friends who confessed their fears during my research!

Open love letter to the people of the world

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heart
Today is Ash Wednesday and tomorrow is Valentine’s Day.

These are both important days because one is about life, death and love, and the other is about life, death and love.

Poems for Lent

As my spiritual practice for Lent this year, I will write a poem every day. Prayers and poems are good friends, sometimes one and the same. In writing poetry during Lent, I hope to grow closer to the light.

Poems as gifts

Have you already picked out something to give to your Valentine? Why not add a poem? Don’t worry about not knowing poetry. You already recognize a good poem without having to think about it or spend years working at it.

Poetry is a God-given right

The essence is in you from birth. You can refine your abilities, as a reader, writer and listener, but you already have poetry in your heart, passed down from the time you lived beneath your mother’s heart.

My poem for you today

I want you to know
I’ve had a good time here so far.
You open the door for me and
I notice your thoughtfulness.

Thank you for making this a world where doors open.

I want you to know
you belong here.
How you are and who you are matters.
Those around you today might not be the same people around you tomorrow.
Tell them today why you’re glad to see them.

Thank you for being part of this time on earth.

I want you to know
you’re not alone.
Someone else is awake at 3 a.m. You’re not alone.
Loneliness doesn’t have to be a killer.
It can be the start of a friendship
if you give it words.

Someone I didn’t know well called and asked how I was doing.
“I’m lonely,” I said.
“I’ll come over,” she said.
She brought a pizza. We became friends. We had babies.
Our babies played together. It started with saying, “I’m lonely.”

Loneliness comes to everyone. Single people
might think marriage is an answer but if you
know enough married people, you know
loneliness can live there too among the married.

Give the loneliness a place to be. Put it in words.
Put it in art. Put it in song. You can make something
out of your loneliness. Be an alchemist.

Thank you for not giving up because of
moments of loneliness. Thank you for staying.

I want you to know
your feelings have value but not always meaning.
We have times we feel abandoned and betrayed.
Go on. Don’t let pain be the end of you.
Make peace with it.
Sometimes it’s just a feeling and it doesn’t mean anything
about you.
Feelings are clouds passing by.
Some are bright, some are thunderheads.
Let them all pass by. You’re a sky, not a cloud.

Thank you for living in a world of feelings
even when they’re hard feelings.

I want you to know
there’s more to find out.
Keep looking!
Keep finding out!
Splash your face with curiosity and
wake up!
Go toward the thing that makes your heart pound.
Get to know what you fear.
Keep finding things to wonder about.

Thank you for teaching me that it’s interesting to live.

I want you to know
I appreciate you believing in me
when I didn’t believe in life.
You, the people of the world, did this for me! You gave me the sense
I was part of something important, this adventure where we pack our
bags with different items but we all have stories.

Thank you for trusting me with your real stories.

I want you to know
I notice all the big and small things you do.
You help me with my zipper when my own hands can’t do it.
You feed me when I’m hungry.
You say, “Don’t worry about your life.”
You give me a ride when it’s cold and rainy out.
You ask after me.
You know my favorite kind of donut.
You go out of your way to make sure I’m safe.
You smile.
You bring me my favorite drink, hot tea with sugar.
You are patient with children and tender with the old.
You say my name with affection.

Thank you for making my life lighter.

I want you to know
I like hearing you laugh:
children, friends over lunch in a restaurant,
people reminiscing how their loved ones were,
missing them but still
laughing because they could be so funny
about sand in the house or about the speed of the coffee maker.

Thank you for the sound of laughter. Thank you for
remembering those who have gone.

I want you to know
love still matters.
Look around. Who do you love?
Tell them. Tell them in a hundred ways.
Enjoy them! Hug them, serve them food,
forgive them, write them notes. Say,

This is what I see in you.

You try hard. You get frustrated and discouraged but you go on.
You might have times of feeling alone or in pain but go on.

Thank you, world, for going on.

Go on.
Go on.
I love you.
God bless you.

Go on.