Author: Genevieve A. Howard

http://genevievehoward.com

Trust the empty spaces in your future

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muffin and tea

muffin and teaGauzy white curtains from ceiling to floor sway from the easy breeze coming in through the window. The honey-colored wood floors gleam in the afternoon sunlight. You don’t have anywhere you have to be. As you sit in grey cotton clothes and slippers, you relax in languid laziness.

Someone has brought you tea along with a fresh baked muffin. The tea rests next to your journal and you watch the steam swirl as it rises. You feel loved and well-rested.

In the room, there’s only your writing table with chairs and a couch. Friends describe your house as spacious.

You make meal plans and follow them. You own few things so you travel light. Your finances are in order with no debt. You’re like a Buddhist monk, structured and disciplined, detached from the chaos of fortune.

You live according to plan and follow a simple schedule. Your life is a wide expanse, like fields of snow that go on as far as the eye can see: clean, white, sparkling.

You live in the moment. Time, space and your sense of peace seem unending.

This is my fantasy.

Reality

Heavy black-out curtains hang still. I can’t open the windows because it’s too hot or too cold. On the four days the weather is decent for window opening in Missouri, I don’t dare do it because the screens are missing and the bugs are bad.

I’m late or rushing for the next place to be. Without the help of generous friends, my life wouldn’t work. For the rare hours I’m home, I catch up with laundry which never seems to get put away so I pick outfits out of baskets. The stained carpet should have been replaced seven years ago.

My kitchen table is a jumble of cracker boxes, mail, school papers plus a collection of things that don’t belong anywhere obvious as if the table doubles as a shelter for homeless items. Friends describe my house as cozy and “interesting because you have so many different things to look at.”

I sometimes have crackers and cheese or fast food for dinner. My student loan debt is a big number.

We have three people, two dogs, two cats and eight houseplants in a thousand square feet.

Every room in my house is full of books, games, shoes, stacks of papers, toys, clothes in baskets, dog supplies, horse supplies, cat supplies and yarn (which also doubles as a cat toy and could be categorized in cat supplies, if you asked the cats. They might also categorize yarn as a decorating item, based on how the house looks on our return when I’m absent-minded and leave a yarn ball out. Remember how we used to teepee houses as teenagers? Now our cats do that to us with yarn).

My mind is in the future or the past. I worry about who and what I’m neglecting.

This is my real life.

Can you relate?

Are you like me? Do you fill the rooms of your house with unneeded items? Your closet with more clothes than fit in it? Your schedule with more activities than are comfortable? Your budget with more expenses than income? Your mind with more fear and criticism than peace and kindness?

We have a fear of the blank page and the unseen future. As fast as we can, we color the empty spaces in the coloring book of our lives. We don’t like pauses so we fill them in with ums instead.

We can teach ourselves to act in a different way.

Just for this week, what part of your life could you leave intentionally blank?

For me, just for this week, I will welcome the unexpected like a snow day, the quiet from a power outtage and the times of waiting. I’ll ease up on my push to produce, procure and perform.

I will give myself time to be at peace. Does this mean I stop moving? Doubtful (see previous paragraphs about pets who like twice-daily food). Peace doesn’t have to be an artificial stillness or a forced serenity. I will look for peace in the motions of my daily life. I’ll take a deep breath and smile. I’ll accept each moment as it is.

Rest is part of God’s plan for us. We don’t have to do it all and fill it all in.

Remember the words in Psalm 23 are in present tense, offering you revitalization right now,”He makes me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside still waters; he restores my soul.”

We can trust in the empty spaces. Goodness is there for us even if it doesn’t have a visible shape.

Let the peace that transcends understanding give you room to breathe. A room with gauzy white curtains swaying…

Go from behind the counter to your own office

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Gen at age 20

Do you want to make a change that seems overwhelming? You can succeed in a daunting situation using three ideas from the theater:

  • Practice
  • Putting it on
  • Pretending as-if

Gen at age 20One of my earliest lessons in the power of using external elements for change was in my early 20s.

I’d spent most of my time either wandering in Europe or working in food service when I was back in the States until I saved enough money to go back to Europe.

As my money went to hostels and plane tickets, I couldn’t afford a car. I got around Santa Cruz on my motorcycle in good weather and on the bus in bad.

My undergrad degree was in language studies, so I knew a good deal about linguistics and medieval France, but little about modern day American business.

I looked around and saw that there weren’t many opportunities to move upward in the places I worked. Until I took a managerial role (undesirable) or an ownership track (even less desirable), I could see that I’d still be making lattés in 10 years.

I decided I would work in an office because offices seemed to hold promotional powers that cafés didn’t. I had the ability to smile and to type. I still needed more and this is where the boldness of theater helped me.

How did I go from hippie mocha maker to a professional with good prospects?

Practice

First, I practiced my introduction. I stood in the mirror and presented myself. I worked on smiling before I answered the phone as I’d read that a smile makes your voice sound friendlier when you answer.

What will you need to do in your new role? Practice it in the safety of home or with a friend. The more you get used to the newness in privacy, the smoother it will go when you try it in public. Memorize what you need to know and say. Just like an actor runs through his lines, polish your message until it’s perfect. You’ll be ready to shine when the curtain rises!

Put it on

I needed an outfit to support me in my new career path. I imagined women who worked in offices wore silk shirts. I went to a second-hand store and bought a deep blue silk shirt with a large bow in front. Once I was in my silk shirt, I felt different. This is the power of costume.

An actor knows that clothing helps you become a different person. As my basketball player son told me, “When I put on the jersey, I’m no longer me. I’m part of the team.”

Find the outfit that fits your new role. Which clothes make you feel strong and powerful? Is there a certain color you feel most confident in?

Pretend as-if

Gen's Zen DenFinally, I thought about business people and sought to act like one. I was nervous when I went to interview and present myself as a professional.

Would they see I knew more about layering espresso in foamed milk than operating computers and phone switchboards? Inside I was as squirrely as a rodent about to fight over the last acorn.

I wasn’t familiar with business culture but I acted as if I was a competent office worker and guess what? I have my own office now!

I feel a sense of belonging in my office. I’ve made it a comfortable place where I can be productive and welcome my coworkers. My office is called Gen’s Zen Den. I’m glad I dared to make a change and try a new career.

Act confident today, be confident tomorrow!

You don’t have to feel confident to seem confident. Practice what you’ll need to do. Dress the part. Act as if you know what you’re doing. Watch and learn.

You won’t feel out of place for long. Time is a great friend—soon you will know what you’re doing and feel confident!

Which techniques helped you seem confident when you felt the opposite? Tell me about them!

Open love letter to the people of the world

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heart
Today is Ash Wednesday and tomorrow is Valentine’s Day.

These are both important days because one is about life, death and love, and the other is about life, death and love.

Poems for Lent

As my spiritual practice for Lent this year, I will write a poem every day. Prayers and poems are good friends, sometimes one and the same. In writing poetry during Lent, I hope to grow closer to the light.

Poems as gifts

Have you already picked out something to give to your Valentine? Why not add a poem? Don’t worry about not knowing poetry. You already recognize a good poem without having to think about it or spend years working at it.

Poetry is a God-given right

The essence is in you from birth. You can refine your abilities, as a reader, writer and listener, but you already have poetry in your heart, passed down from the time you lived beneath your mother’s heart.

My poem for you today

I want you to know
I’ve had a good time here so far.
You open the door for me and
I notice your thoughtfulness.

Thank you for making this a world where doors open.

I want you to know
you belong here.
How you are and who you are matters.
Those around you today might not be the same people around you tomorrow.
Tell them today why you’re glad to see them.

Thank you for being part of this time on earth.

I want you to know
you’re not alone.
Someone else is awake at 3 a.m. You’re not alone.
Loneliness doesn’t have to be a killer.
It can be the start of a friendship
if you give it words.

Someone I didn’t know well called and asked how I was doing.
“I’m lonely,” I said.
“I’ll come over,” she said.
She brought a pizza. We became friends. We had babies.
Our babies played together. It started with saying, “I’m lonely.”

Loneliness comes to everyone. Single people
might think marriage is an answer but if you
know enough married people, you know
loneliness can live there too among the married.

Give the loneliness a place to be. Put it in words.
Put it in art. Put it in song. You can make something
out of your loneliness. Be an alchemist.

Thank you for not giving up because of
moments of loneliness. Thank you for staying.

I want you to know
your feelings have value but not always meaning.
We have times we feel abandoned and betrayed.
Go on. Don’t let pain be the end of you.
Make peace with it.
Sometimes it’s just a feeling and it doesn’t mean anything
about you.
Feelings are clouds passing by.
Some are bright, some are thunderheads.
Let them all pass by. You’re a sky, not a cloud.

Thank you for living in a world of feelings
even when they’re hard feelings.

I want you to know
there’s more to find out.
Keep looking!
Keep finding out!
Splash your face with curiosity and
wake up!
Go toward the thing that makes your heart pound.
Get to know what you fear.
Keep finding things to wonder about.

Thank you for teaching me that it’s interesting to live.

I want you to know
I appreciate you believing in me
when I didn’t believe in life.
You, the people of the world, did this for me! You gave me the sense
I was part of something important, this adventure where we pack our
bags with different items but we all have stories.

Thank you for trusting me with your real stories.

I want you to know
I notice all the big and small things you do.
You help me with my zipper when my own hands can’t do it.
You feed me when I’m hungry.
You say, “Don’t worry about your life.”
You give me a ride when it’s cold and rainy out.
You ask after me.
You know my favorite kind of donut.
You go out of your way to make sure I’m safe.
You smile.
You bring me my favorite drink, hot tea with sugar.
You are patient with children and tender with the old.
You say my name with affection.

Thank you for making my life lighter.

I want you to know
I like hearing you laugh:
children, friends over lunch in a restaurant,
people reminiscing how their loved ones were,
missing them but still
laughing because they could be so funny
about sand in the house or about the speed of the coffee maker.

Thank you for the sound of laughter. Thank you for
remembering those who have gone.

I want you to know
love still matters.
Look around. Who do you love?
Tell them. Tell them in a hundred ways.
Enjoy them! Hug them, serve them food,
forgive them, write them notes. Say,

This is what I see in you.

You try hard. You get frustrated and discouraged but you go on.
You might have times of feeling alone or in pain but go on.

Thank you, world, for going on.

Go on.
Go on.
I love you.
God bless you.

Go on.

Maryam: never far from a friend

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Maryam

“I think God knows what he is doing with us,” says my friend Maryam.

Maryam is a woman of faith, bravery and sweetness.

  • Faith because she sees God’s work in her own life.
  • Bravery because she is a public speaker in a foreign language in a foreign country.
  • Sweetness because she is quick to smile and notice kindness in others.

Daring to try

MaryamAbout a year and a half ago, Maryam left her home of Iran to be at her husband’s side in the U.S. while he worked on his Ph.D. studies in physics at Mizzou. She wanted to learn English better and work on speaking so her husband took her to a meeting of the Downtown Toastmasters Club where I am a member.

How was her first meeting? “It was really frightening!” she said. People were hard to understand because they spoke so fluently and fast. Not one to give up easily, she kept returning every week to our Toastmasters meeting.

Her first goal was learning English but more than just finding a place to practice English speaking, she found many good friends. Her new friendships gave her the opportunity to know American culture and let us learn more about Iranian culture over the past year of her membership in Toastmasters.

Maryam gave a speech on how Iranians celebrate their new year in spring with special foods and meaningful symbols on the table . She taught us how they stay up together during the longest night until they see the sun rise. She spoke to us of Persian poets and how their words live in her heart. She made us laugh about her wedding photos and her attempts to make her face look sexy.

American and Iranian cultural exchanges

I asked her how it has been to live in America. She said, “We say America is the land of opportunity. If you can study hard and work hard, you get the best job. It doesn’t depend on your religion or your politics.”

Maryam’s sweet spirit and openness are charming. She looks for the goodness in people. She said, “All Americans are really kind people. People are so open when I say, ‘I’m a foreigner. I came from another country and I’m learning English.’ They encourage me and help me.”

I asked if she ever had difficult experiences because she is a Muslim from Iran and things can seem tense between our two countries. No one has ever said anything bad to her. She said, “Don’t trust your TV. When two governments are not so good to each other, they can make the people of the other country look bad. But people are completely different than politics. We all work, we all have children.”

Challenging days on her own made her stronger

In Iran, adult children usually only leave their parents when they marry. Maryam was an exception. She applied for a MA degree in the south of Iran, far from her family in Tehran. She was alone and had to learn how to handle things by herself. She worked, studied and made friends. After graduation, she got a job that required travel for work. Those days made her stronger.

Life often surprises us. She could never have predicted her current situation living 6,800 miles from home. But she explained that coming to the U.S. was not so hard. Her faith and a sense of purpose gave her strength. She says, “God had a plan. He was preparing me. Because of those days on my own, I could bear being alone without my parents and family. Now I’m OK, no problem!”

No matter where she is, she will never be far from a friend because she makes friends so easily.

Funny stories for the future

Where will she go from here? Maryam says she is not satisfied with her English and feels she should work harder. She used to write a blog and stories in Farsi, her native language. Now she dreams of being a writer in English and making funny stories out of everyday life.

I treasure my friendship with Maryam. Whether she is giving a speech or writing a story, she has an audience in me!

Put your dream in motion!

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What is your dream? Take a moment and see it in your mind’s eye. What does it look like?

Movies instead of snapshots

You might see yourself sitting on a beach, standing at the altar to be married or getting an award. I had a dream of living in the country and having my own horse.

But after that moment, what next?

Too often we dream in snapshots, seeing only a static picture of what we want. Make your dream a movie. Visualize your future in depth, detail and motion. Using your imagination to its fullest will help make your vision a reality.

Passive fantasy, active dream

Fantasies are flat and demand nothing of us. Fantasies allow you to sit. Fantasies fulfill us for a moment.

A dream motivates us to pursue it. There’s an irresistible nature. Even if you want to forget, your heart keeps reminding you. If your dream doesn’t pull you toward it, then you’ve got the wrong dream.

Like a brave retriever goes after a stick in a lake, we must dive in and swim toward the dream. Quit the shore and the old ideas of shouldn’t, can’t, impossible. We must leave the solid sand under our feet and paddle out.

Depth and motion

I didn’t give enough depth to my dream. Life is always changing. Powerful dreams should incorporate change.

When I dreamed of a horse, did I imagine paying the vet bills? Did I imagine bringing buckets of hot water from the bathtub out to the pasture in 20 degree weather in a February night to soak his abscessed hoof?

Flesh it out. More than just a flat picture of a horse, imagine how the barn both fills and empties of hay. Imagine how the horse both nickers at the sight of you and needs to have his stall mucked. Imagine the warmth of his neck under your palm and the weight of his hoof on your boot.

When you think of living your dream, how will you feel? What will you wear and eat in your new reality? What sounds do you hear? Look around and imagine the details of your surroundings. Give breath to your vision and picture yourself breathing, talking and moving.

Effective visualization builds belief that you can change your life. As you become more comfortable with your dream, it starts to feel more real.

Your future is coming to meet you

We are people of possibilities. You can make choices and decide how you want your life to be. It starts with a vision of what you want. Make your idea more than a flat, still picture. Add motion and sound.

Your dream is galloping toward you. See it coming closer. Turn your dream into a movie, and then into reality!

I invite your comments!

3,000 sermons later: a pastor talks about speaking

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Wondering where God intersects with mathematics and metaphor? Tim Carson has a book for you. Feeling overcome with emotion but unable to speak about it? Tim Carson has a hug for you.

One morning in church, the congregation struggled to sing a hymn that had words in an African language. We mumbled and mouthed our way through. Then from the back of the sanctuary, a rolling voice rang out and sang with confidence. In an instant, all of us could sing the song. We raised our voices and our volume increased from 3 to 11. This is the power of Tim Carson, who builds up hundreds of people in his roles as pastor, musician, author and friend.

A strong voice strengthens everyone else. Someone has to be bold enough to start the conversation and bring up ideas. This gives you a starting point to define where you stand.

Whether he’s singing out or speaking up, Tim has one of the strongest voices of anyone I know. I sat down with him to talk about how to make an impact.

Commit

He first revealed you need to have commitment to what you’re saying. Only speak about things that are dear to you. If you don’t believe, then no one else will. You can’t pretend passion.

“There’s a part of you that fears social disapproval but then there’s another part that says, ‘Am I going to be true to myself or not?’ It’s integrity vs. fear,” he said.

Connect

He next talked about recognizing the affinity. Why has this group gathered? They wouldn’t be there unless they all cared.

If you speak on a regular basis to people you know, then you have a chance to have a deeper exchange. He said it’s a comforting relationship with the congregation because they are friends he sees every week.

Focus

Tim then told me the most important part for a powerful talk: focus. If you focus, engage and lift your spirits before you say a word, you ensure that you are heard once you start speaking.

Remind yourself to focus your energy before you begin. If you’re a believer, this the time you whisper a prayer to God and ask the Holy Spirit to flow through you.

In Tim’s case, his Sundays at Broadway Christian Church are busy. With an hour of Christian education plus three different services in one morning, he relies on this prayer while waiting to give his third sermon in a row.

If you lose your stride in a talk, you can regain your focus in two ways: a cue word or a focal point. You might tell yourself “Focus” or use a reset object in the room. A former high school football player, Tim mentioned how football games require maximum focus for about 30 seconds from snap to huddle. A football player looks at the goal post and says, “Reset.” In that moment, all that has gone before is history.

Keep your mind in the present and forget any mistakes.

Pause

He illuminated his art as a speech designer. Because the launch can be the hardest, be careful about what you do in the first minute. You can start in a provocative way such as asking a series of questions without giving the answers. Connect with your audience and build the energy.

During a longer talk, you need to include meaningful pauses that give people space to gather their thoughts and energies.  Ask your audience to concentrate for a while and then give them a moment to absorb the ideas or feelings. Try making the pause explicit, saying, “Let’s take a minute to think about that.”

Taking it to the streets

Raise your voiceI appreciate Tim’s wisdom to commit, connect, focus and pause.

I’ll apply his advice to not only to my speaking, but to my personal conversations, my writing and my daily life. This week, I’ll remind myself to focus. We live in a world often scattered, distracted and rushed. If we were more present, how much richer would our relationships be?

Read Tim’s blog at vitalwholeness

What spoke to you in this post? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!

Give that horse a banana!

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Devon sees the bananaWhat’s the typical thing to give a horse as a treat? Apples and carrots, right? But I know a horse named Devon who is different. Devon loves bananas.

When he sees that I have a banana, his eyes brighten, his ears perk up and he’s quick to the door. He even licks my hand afterward to get every taste of banana he can. Bananas are from heaven for Devon.

Do you give what you expect your loved ones to want (apples and carrots) without knowing for sure if it is their heart’s desire (bananas)?

Time to play games

I used to get my husband books, candy and clothes. Those were things he liked and they were easy to buy. Then I realized the sweetest treat I could give him wasn’t anything sugary. It would be playing games with him. Now I make time to play card games like Blitz and bluffing games like liar’s dice.

A friend told me listening and kind words are her banana. She appreciates when someone pays close attention to her feelings and responds by saying the things she needs to hear in that moment.

A pack of gum

After I graduated from college, I went overseas for an internship. There I met Rachel from Oklahoma. As the only young Americans working in a small town in Belgium, we were drawn together. Over a dinner of pasta as we got to know each other, she told me her dreams about how her future husband would be. What she said has stayed with me for two decades.

“He wouldn’t bring me roses on Valentine’s Day. I don’t want flowers when everyone else gets them. I’d love a pack of gum on an ordinary day if he brought it home to me and said, ‘I thought of you at the gas station and got this gum for you.’ Just knowing my husband had thought of me would be better than Valentine roses,” she said.

Since our time overseas, Rachel married and has been with her husband for 14 years now. While away on business, her husband recently posted a photo on Facebook of a beer on a Friday night. Now a cold glass of beer might be enough to make most guys happy, but for the photo caption he wrote, “Just wish my favorite lady was here to share it.” Her husband’s thoughtfulness makes her feel like the most important person in the world. Even thousands of miles away, he always has her on his mind.

Ask, understand, give

Devon enjoys his banana.Often we give what we like to get, or we give the typical choice. Horses eat carrots, right? Instead, ask your loved ones, “What is special to you?” Take time to understand them and their deepest values. Let them surprise you. Work to delight them.

Give that husband a game partner, give that wife a pack of gum and give that horse a banana!

What makes your heart sing? Do you know someone who gives affection in an unexpected way? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!

Tell that trash talkin’ opossum, “No thanks!”

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Baby birds

What’s it like in your head? Is it an easy, relaxed place to be? At the end of the day, do you feel positive and excited for the next day or drained and discouraged, dreading what the next day will bring?

I have good news if you’re in the drained and discouraged camp: you can change your mind and change your mood.

Years ago, my mind was like a neglected alley, overrun by opossums eating out of knocked-down trash cans under dull yellow light. My thoughts were a daily toxic stream of unforgiving words and mean judgments directed toward myself. I could do no right in my own eyes. It was exhausting.

I cringe when I hear an adult say to a kid, “No! What’s wrong with you? You’re so stupid!” I know from experience that kids can be super recorders and replay hard words in their heads for a lifetime.

You have competing elements for your inner voice. One is a cruel self-critic, and sounds like a opossum that hisses and eats trash. The other is the voice of your spirit, less noticeable and more fragile. Like a fledgling songbird, it needs to be nurtured to grow stronger. The opossum can climb into the songbird’s nest and crunch its bones if you let it. Or you can feed the songbird until it’s strong enough to fly and carry your thoughts with it.

An old opossum message might have been I’m so stupid! What’s wrong with me?

If you find yourself thinking that, try following it with a songbird message of, It’s OK. Mistakes happen. I can learn from this.

You might think a opossum thought such as, I’m too fat/skinny/bald/hairy/old/young. Nobody likes/understands/wants me.

Your new songbird thought can be, So what? I’m going to try things and enjoy life regardless of my weight/hair situation/age. I’ll do what I can to be a blessing to other people.

Be a friend to yourself. Let your mind be a place of song and spirit. Tell that trash talkin’ opossum, “No thanks!”

Do you want to make or have you made a change in the way you think? I’d love to hear about it in the comments!

PS—No hate mail from opossum lovers please! Called “America’s finest marsupials” by Logan Howard, I recognize opossums as creatures that deserve respect but all’s fair in love and metaphor.

Baby birds

Live your dream in 2013!

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Do you have a dream? Learn how to make it come true in 2013 by using three steps:

  • Focus
  • A plan
  • A partner

Focus

First, narrow your focus. Let’s say you want to get married, lose weight, become financially secure, find a new job, publish a book and get a pony. Do any of these sound familiar? They’re all worthy dreams but focus on only one. Don’t dilute your effort. What do you feel called to do? Pick what speaks to your heart.

Maybe your dream is to get a pony. Is there a certain breed, size, color or age of pony you want? Do you want a friendly or mean pony? Sharpen your focus and write down exactly the kind you’re looking for. This applies to other ideas like finding a spouse or job. Will anyone do for a spouse? Will any job work? Be specific.

Describe your dream in detail: what you want, what you don’t want and what would be a deal breaker. This process will help you get to know your dream and flesh it out.

You should be able to say in one sentence what your dream is. When you have your sentence, put it where you can see it. Post a relevant picture as a reminder.

A plan

Next, write a thorough plan for achieving your dream. Without a plan, you risk your dream staying only a daydream.

Be extravagant with the details. Each action item should include the resources needed and a due date. A plan without deadlines is like a boat adrift. For my pony plan, I would include this action item:

  • Research places within a 150-mile range that offer small, young ponies for sale or adoption. Resources needed: time and Internet access. Due by Jan. 31.

A partner

Lastly, make a dream support team! Find at least one other person who believes in you. Say your dream out loud and go through your plan. This powerful step helps make your dream real.

Having people behind you will give you strength to meet the challenge of change that achieving a dream demands. Their faith in you will keep you going after your initial enthusiasm fades and you begin doing the work required.

Ask your support team to hold you accountable to your plan. Check in every month and show them how you’re doing. In an ideal situation, your friends will seek their own dreams and you can support them!

Going for it!

Now you know the three steps to living your dream in 2013: focus, a plan and a partner. Let yourself be absorbed into the pursuit of your dream. It will change you for the better. Action brings blessings. Make your life an adventure! Believe in yourself and go for it!

What dream do you want to live in 2013? Tell me about it in the comments!

i dream of ponies running