A blessing St. Francis understood

crazyDo you have a special animal in your life? Whatever kind of person you are: cat, dog, horse or lizard, pets bless our lives.

With the food bills, care needs and short lifespans, a non-animal person might wonder why we give so much to our pets but animal people know how they add liveliness, laughter and warmth to our days.

We learn from these non-human relationships. Practicing kindness to animals teaches us how to be kind to ourselves.

“If you have men who will exclude any of God’s creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow men.” ―St. Francis of Assisi (Goodreads)

The human-animal bond brings us wellness, friendship and happiness.

Wellness

Animals keep us healthy. Dogs and horses make us stay active. Whether it’s taking our dogs Mercy and Cookie for a walk around the property or lifting hay bales for the horses, caring for animals keeps me in better physical shape.

They help our psychological health. Research shows that pets help relieve stress. Animals give you someone to focus on other than yourself. During hard times or grieving, the steady presence of a dog or the warm purring of a cat soothes you when few things can.

“It may be a cat, a bird, a ferret, or a guinea pig, but the chances are high that when someone close to you dies, a pet will be there to pick up the slack. Pets devour the loneliness. They give us purpose, responsibility, a reason for getting up in the morning, and a reason to look to the future. They ground us, help us escape the grief, make us laugh, and take full advantage of our weakness by exploiting our furniture, our beds, and our refrigerator. We wouldn’t have it any other way. Pets are our seat belts on the emotional roller coaster of life–they can be trusted, they keep us safe, and they sure do smooth out the ride.” ―Nick Trout (Goodreads via Central Missouri Humane Society)

A friendly face is a great antidote to loneliness. When you come home, you have someone there. They don’t have to check their schedule; they’re always ready to socialize with you!

Dogs excel at reunions. Who doesn’t feel popular returning to a house where a wagging tail awaits you? How would it be if we showed the same level of excitement to our loved ones when they came home, welcoming them at the door with hugs? A feeling of belonging gives us well-being.

Friendship

Bu at the pondSome animal friendships are closer than others. My dog, Bu (Sula Bula), was independent in her twilight years. She would take herself down to the pond for a swim and come back for dinner. The warm water must have felt good on her old bones. After dinner, she’d head off for bed.

We decided to adopt a second dog, Mercy, to keep Bu company. I was amazed at the loyalty of our new white spotted dog. Mercy stayed by my side, following me from room to room.

After Bu died, we adopted Cookie. She makes Mercy seem reserved. Next to me is not enough. Cookie’s place is on me. She launches herself with 15 pounds of pure Chihuahua power into my lap whether I’m ready or not.

This morning she got a splash of tea on her head because I wasn’t expecting her. She practices the philosophy of, “Leap toward the lap!” as opposed to “Look before your leap.”

Where people can hold back and worry about looking foolish, she leaps and loves without hesitation.

No matter what I’m doing, Cookie is there. She plays the roles of laundry assistant, barn help and crochet project supervisor. She outdoes herself in the kitchen while on dropped bacon pickup duty; I’ve never seen such focus and concentration. Her closeness can be cloying but for the most part I love having her constant companionship.

We talk to our friends so that means we talk to our pets. Do you talk to your pet? You’re not alone. A study showed that 97 percent of people do (Pets: Good for your health). St. Francis was known to preach to animals. (St. Francis Preaches to the Birds)

Want more interaction with your pet? Make an effort to spend time with your fuzzy friend. Play string chase with a kitty or relax in a sunbath next to the dog. Often, our animals are the ones seeking us out. It does us good to slow down and give affection.

Happiness

The best pet is the one whose face you want to see every morning and every evening. I’m happiest sitting outside where I watch contended horses graze, a dog at my feet and another on my lap. I find the sound of the horses’ chewing and the smell of fresh grass peaceful.

“Where there is peace and meditation, there is neither anxiety nor doubt.” -St. Francis of Assisi (Wikiquote)

It’s a good life. Pets make it even better. Enjoy this video of my animals and others I know and love.

Is there a special animal in your heart? Tell me about him or her in the comments!

Doing it badly

My first scarf in all its glory
My first scarf in all its glory

What would you like to try but you hesitate because you think you would do it badly?

Why do we feel if we can’t do something well, we shouldn’t do it at all?

Something happens to us between being kids and adults where our inner critic overtakes our sense of curiosity. We put looking good before having an adventure.

I’m here to say it’s worth looking foolish to do what you haven’t done before. Listen to the little thoughts.

Be a beginner. You don’t have to demand a full run at the start. Let yourself stumble.

Do a simple thing with love. That will be enough.

Little thoughts

After my mom died in 2009 from lung cancer, I wanted to honor her during her birthday month in 2010. One Saturday evening I was walking through Walmart and the thought came to me that I should learn to knit. Do you know those little thoughts—quiet, unexpected and easy to overlook—that guide you? It was one of those.

But that little thought grew in strength as I walked to the craft aisle. I chose a book called I Taught Myself Knitting that came with needles in the package. I picked out some teal yarn.

I had always said that I could never be a knitter because I imagined the arthritis in my hands would give me too much trouble. I wasn’t drawn to yarn but on that day, I dared to try it despite my expectation it would hurt.

My mom's knitting
My mom’s knitting

I felt happy as I finished my shopping. It seemed the perfect way to honor my mom by taking a month to learn the skill that brought her joy, calmness and human interaction. She was an impressive knitter, fast and able to accomplish complicated projects including a queen-size afghan with cables and ivy she made for my wedding.

The next day, we went to church. Before the service, I sat in the fellowship hall working on the new scarf project I had started the evening before.

Once the service started, my friend Pat stood up and talked about the spiritual nature of her knitting. I hadn’t known she was a knitter. She showed pieces of her work to the congregation and said the verse from Psalm 139, “For it was you who formed my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.”

It felt like God talking to me.

Moved to learn knitting on Saturday evening, I heard about knitting as a practice to bring you closer to the divine Sunday morning. My family remarked on the incredible nature of the occurrence.

Amazed and inspired, I went home and stumbled my way along the scarf. I added stitches, dropped stiches and was altogether mystified by the process of looping the yarn into a warm length of fabric. I kept going. How?

Our steps are made firm by the Lord, when he delights in our way; although we stumble, we shall not fall headlong, for the Lord holds us by the hand. Psalm 37:23-24

I finished my first scarf. Her birthday month was close to ending but I decided to try a prayer shawl. I prayed as I knitted.

I completed the first prayer shawl and made more: shawls, scarves, ponchos and sweaters.

After my first five months of knitting, I realized I’d been knitting the wrong way! I’d been doing twisted stitches the whole time. I laughed and kept going.

Lives looped together

My first prayer shawl done with twisted stitches
My first prayer shawl done with twisted stitches

My friends encourage me. They notice my work and appreciate my effort. Is my work good? Not really. Are my friends kind? Yes, beyond measure.

The quality doesn’t matter. It’s the process. There is purpose in trying and in doing. There is value in remembering those we love and trying to be like them.

Doing what my mom did brings me a deeper understanding of her. I forgive and appreciate her as I never did before.

This December will mark three years of working with yarn. I make simple things. I make gifts. As I make them, I pray that the wearer will be happy and at peace. I try to put a hug in the yarn as I work.

I’m messy. My pieces are often coarse and basic but it’s worth it to make the loops.

I let the loops connect to one another. One loop through the next loop, I pull them into a group. I link the circles again and again, building the piece as I go. At the end, all the stitches are joined together. Just like us. Just like people.

God bless you today as that little thought occurs to you and you find your next adventure.

I’m scared of you reading this blog

Pixie runs in the snowWhether it’s biting spiders or sinkholes, we all have things we fear.

A common emotion, fear helps us when we’re in real danger. If we’re driving in bad weather, concern makes us respect the poor road conditions. When we’re passing a group of shady people, suspicion keeps us alert and motivates us to move away from a bad situation.

The problem is when fear becomes a stop sign instead of a warning. Fear can stop us from leading active lives where we participate in fun events and new adventures. People might worry about airplane crashes or shipwrecks so much that they don’t travel.

Fear often involves death, loss or some kind of ending such as the maximum entropy of the universe. Who hasn’t worried when a loved one doesn’t arrive home at the expected time? Who hasn’t felt anxious when the elevator stutters and seems to stop working? These are natural fears. We care about who we have in our lives and we prefer to be in control of our experience.

What about how we want to protect our egos and our social standing? We have a real need for others to accept us. We’re afraid of losing face, looking stupid and being embarrassed. Sometimes we dread others’ anger, rejection or judgment so much that we don’t say what we think.

This is my fear.

For me, 2013 is the time to face my social timidity and make this the year of my voice. I’m not a natural speaker or writer. I’m more comfortable being quiet and keeping my thoughts to myself, the words deep in private journals far from eyeballs. But just because it’s comfortable, is it right?

Sometimes the right thing for your life is the terrifying thing. Be open to your purpose. Where do you feel guided?

For me, I felt a calling to write and speak this year, despite how these things unnerve me. This is why I started this blog. Sitting in silence on the couch is safe. This blog seems dangerous. Speaking my mind seems dangerous. What if I speak and people hate what I say? What if I write this blog and I waste people’s time? What if, after I speak and write, people stop loving me?

Are you comfortable with how you deal with fear in your life? If not, here are some ideas so you can change your relationship with this feeling.

Replace fear with faith in 4 steps

Say to yourself, “I’m feeling scared.”

Simple acknowledgement of the feeling breaks its lock on your mind. Saying these words shifts the control from fear back to you. You can start making decisions again. Gather your thoughts and get your mind back. You’ll start seeing fear for what it is—a feeling—despite how it wants to disguise itself as fact.

My friend Shoshannah told me about this quote from Frank Herbert that she uses before she starts a martial arts sparring match.

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” (from Dune, Good Reads)

Breathe

A deep breath brings calm back. Breathe in, hold for a moment, breathe out. More oxygen allows you to think. Fear can make our hearts race and our breathing fast and shallow. Slower breathing brings back an easy rhythm to follow. You’ll return to being centered in your body.

Pray

Ask for strength, help and guidance. God will bless you. You don’t need to say a perfect prayer to a concept of a higher power that you completely understand at this moment. It’s OK to be scared and unsure. Your prayer will still be heard.

Do it anyway!

People who accomplish things aren’t always fearless people. They feel fear too but they go forward anyway. We can be like them.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Do one thing every day that scares you.” (Good Reads)

Keep your goals in mind. Think of all you have already lived through. You can do it. Have faith and go for it!

What do you fear that you’re working to overcome? What gives you courage? Tell me about it in the comments!

Special thanks to Tim Carson for inspiring this blog post and to all my friends who confessed their fears during my research!

Trust the empty spaces in your future

muffin and tea

muffin and teaGauzy white curtains from ceiling to floor sway from the easy breeze coming in through the window. The honey-colored wood floors gleam in the afternoon sunlight. You don’t have anywhere you have to be. As you sit in grey cotton clothes and slippers, you relax in languid laziness.

Someone has brought you tea along with a fresh baked muffin. The tea rests next to your journal and you watch the steam swirl as it rises. You feel loved and well-rested.

In the room, there’s only your writing table with chairs and a couch. Friends describe your house as spacious.

You make meal plans and follow them. You own few things so you travel light. Your finances are in order with no debt. You’re like a Buddhist monk, structured and disciplined, detached from the chaos of fortune.

You live according to plan and follow a simple schedule. Your life is a wide expanse, like fields of snow that go on as far as the eye can see: clean, white, sparkling.

You live in the moment. Time, space and your sense of peace seem unending.

This is my fantasy.

Reality

Heavy black-out curtains hang still. I can’t open the windows because it’s too hot or too cold. On the four days the weather is decent for window opening in Missouri, I don’t dare do it because the screens are missing and the bugs are bad.

I’m late or rushing for the next place to be. Without the help of generous friends, my life wouldn’t work. For the rare hours I’m home, I catch up with laundry which never seems to get put away so I pick outfits out of baskets. The stained carpet should have been replaced seven years ago.

My kitchen table is a jumble of cracker boxes, mail, school papers plus a collection of things that don’t belong anywhere obvious as if the table doubles as a shelter for homeless items. Friends describe my house as cozy and “interesting because you have so many different things to look at.”

I sometimes have crackers and cheese or fast food for dinner. My student loan debt is a big number.

We have three people, two dogs, two cats and eight houseplants in a thousand square feet.

Every room in my house is full of books, games, shoes, stacks of papers, toys, clothes in baskets, dog supplies, horse supplies, cat supplies and yarn (which also doubles as a cat toy and could be categorized in cat supplies, if you asked the cats. They might also categorize yarn as a decorating item, based on how the house looks on our return when I’m absent-minded and leave a yarn ball out. Remember how we used to teepee houses as teenagers? Now our cats do that to us with yarn).

My mind is in the future or the past. I worry about who and what I’m neglecting.

This is my real life.

Can you relate?

Are you like me? Do you fill the rooms of your house with unneeded items? Your closet with more clothes than fit in it? Your schedule with more activities than are comfortable? Your budget with more expenses than income? Your mind with more fear and criticism than peace and kindness?

We have a fear of the blank page and the unseen future. As fast as we can, we color the empty spaces in the coloring book of our lives. We don’t like pauses so we fill them in with ums instead.

We can teach ourselves to act in a different way.

Just for this week, what part of your life could you leave intentionally blank?

For me, just for this week, I will welcome the unexpected like a snow day, the quiet from a power outtage and the times of waiting. I’ll ease up on my push to produce, procure and perform.

I will give myself time to be at peace. Does this mean I stop moving? Doubtful (see previous paragraphs about pets who like twice-daily food). Peace doesn’t have to be an artificial stillness or a forced serenity. I will look for peace in the motions of my daily life. I’ll take a deep breath and smile. I’ll accept each moment as it is.

Rest is part of God’s plan for us. We don’t have to do it all and fill it all in.

Remember the words in Psalm 23 are in present tense, offering you revitalization right now,”He makes me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside still waters; he restores my soul.”

We can trust in the empty spaces. Goodness is there for us even if it doesn’t have a visible shape.

Let the peace that transcends understanding give you room to breathe. A room with gauzy white curtains swaying…

Go from behind the counter to your own office

Gen at age 20

Do you want to make a change that seems overwhelming? You can succeed in a daunting situation using three ideas from the theater:

  • Practice
  • Putting it on
  • Pretending as-if

Gen at age 20One of my earliest lessons in the power of using external elements for change was in my early 20s.

I’d spent most of my time either wandering in Europe or working in food service when I was back in the States until I saved enough money to go back to Europe.

As my money went to hostels and plane tickets, I couldn’t afford a car. I got around Santa Cruz on my motorcycle in good weather and on the bus in bad.

My undergrad degree was in language studies, so I knew a good deal about linguistics and medieval France, but little about modern day American business.

I looked around and saw that there weren’t many opportunities to move upward in the places I worked. Until I took a managerial role (undesirable) or an ownership track (even less desirable), I could see that I’d still be making lattés in 10 years.

I decided I would work in an office because offices seemed to hold promotional powers that cafés didn’t. I had the ability to smile and to type. I still needed more and this is where the boldness of theater helped me.

How did I go from hippie mocha maker to a professional with good prospects?

Practice

First, I practiced my introduction. I stood in the mirror and presented myself. I worked on smiling before I answered the phone as I’d read that a smile makes your voice sound friendlier when you answer.

What will you need to do in your new role? Practice it in the safety of home or with a friend. The more you get used to the newness in privacy, the smoother it will go when you try it in public. Memorize what you need to know and say. Just like an actor runs through his lines, polish your message until it’s perfect. You’ll be ready to shine when the curtain rises!

Put it on

I needed an outfit to support me in my new career path. I imagined women who worked in offices wore silk shirts. I went to a second-hand store and bought a deep blue silk shirt with a large bow in front. Once I was in my silk shirt, I felt different. This is the power of costume.

An actor knows that clothing helps you become a different person. As my basketball player son told me, “When I put on the jersey, I’m no longer me. I’m part of the team.”

Find the outfit that fits your new role. Which clothes make you feel strong and powerful? Is there a certain color you feel most confident in?

Pretend as-if

Gen's Zen DenFinally, I thought about business people and sought to act like one. I was nervous when I went to interview and present myself as a professional.

Would they see I knew more about layering espresso in foamed milk than operating computers and phone switchboards? Inside I was as squirrely as a rodent about to fight over the last acorn.

I wasn’t familiar with business culture but I acted as if I was a competent office worker and guess what? I have my own office now!

I feel a sense of belonging in my office. I’ve made it a comfortable place where I can be productive and welcome my coworkers. My office is called Gen’s Zen Den. I’m glad I dared to make a change and try a new career.

Act confident today, be confident tomorrow!

You don’t have to feel confident to seem confident. Practice what you’ll need to do. Dress the part. Act as if you know what you’re doing. Watch and learn.

You won’t feel out of place for long. Time is a great friend—soon you will know what you’re doing and feel confident!

Which techniques helped you seem confident when you felt the opposite? Tell me about them!

Open love letter to the people of the world

heart
Today is Ash Wednesday and tomorrow is Valentine’s Day.

These are both important days because one is about life, death and love, and the other is about life, death and love.

Poems for Lent

As my spiritual practice for Lent this year, I will write a poem every day. Prayers and poems are good friends, sometimes one and the same. In writing poetry during Lent, I hope to grow closer to the light.

Poems as gifts

Have you already picked out something to give to your Valentine? Why not add a poem? Don’t worry about not knowing poetry. You already recognize a good poem without having to think about it or spend years working at it.

Poetry is a God-given right

The essence is in you from birth. You can refine your abilities, as a reader, writer and listener, but you already have poetry in your heart, passed down from the time you lived beneath your mother’s heart.

My poem for you today

I want you to know
I’ve had a good time here so far.
You open the door for me and
I notice your thoughtfulness.

Thank you for making this a world where doors open.

I want you to know
you belong here.
How you are and who you are matters.
Those around you today might not be the same people around you tomorrow.
Tell them today why you’re glad to see them.

Thank you for being part of this time on earth.

I want you to know
you’re not alone.
Someone else is awake at 3 a.m. You’re not alone.
Loneliness doesn’t have to be a killer.
It can be the start of a friendship
if you give it words.

Someone I didn’t know well called and asked how I was doing.
“I’m lonely,” I said.
“I’ll come over,” she said.
She brought a pizza. We became friends. We had babies.
Our babies played together. It started with saying, “I’m lonely.”

Loneliness comes to everyone. Single people
might think marriage is an answer but if you
know enough married people, you know
loneliness can live there too among the married.

Give the loneliness a place to be. Put it in words.
Put it in art. Put it in song. You can make something
out of your loneliness. Be an alchemist.

Thank you for not giving up because of
moments of loneliness. Thank you for staying.

I want you to know
your feelings have value but not always meaning.
We have times we feel abandoned and betrayed.
Go on. Don’t let pain be the end of you.
Make peace with it.
Sometimes it’s just a feeling and it doesn’t mean anything
about you.
Feelings are clouds passing by.
Some are bright, some are thunderheads.
Let them all pass by. You’re a sky, not a cloud.

Thank you for living in a world of feelings
even when they’re hard feelings.

I want you to know
there’s more to find out.
Keep looking!
Keep finding out!
Splash your face with curiosity and
wake up!
Go toward the thing that makes your heart pound.
Get to know what you fear.
Keep finding things to wonder about.

Thank you for teaching me that it’s interesting to live.

I want you to know
I appreciate you believing in me
when I didn’t believe in life.
You, the people of the world, did this for me! You gave me the sense
I was part of something important, this adventure where we pack our
bags with different items but we all have stories.

Thank you for trusting me with your real stories.

I want you to know
I notice all the big and small things you do.
You help me with my zipper when my own hands can’t do it.
You feed me when I’m hungry.
You say, “Don’t worry about your life.”
You give me a ride when it’s cold and rainy out.
You ask after me.
You know my favorite kind of donut.
You go out of your way to make sure I’m safe.
You smile.
You bring me my favorite drink, hot tea with sugar.
You are patient with children and tender with the old.
You say my name with affection.

Thank you for making my life lighter.

I want you to know
I like hearing you laugh:
children, friends over lunch in a restaurant,
people reminiscing how their loved ones were,
missing them but still
laughing because they could be so funny
about sand in the house or about the speed of the coffee maker.

Thank you for the sound of laughter. Thank you for
remembering those who have gone.

I want you to know
love still matters.
Look around. Who do you love?
Tell them. Tell them in a hundred ways.
Enjoy them! Hug them, serve them food,
forgive them, write them notes. Say,

This is what I see in you.

You try hard. You get frustrated and discouraged but you go on.
You might have times of feeling alone or in pain but go on.

Thank you, world, for going on.

Go on.
Go on.
I love you.
God bless you.

Go on.

Maryam: never far from a friend

Maryam

“I think God knows what he is doing with us,” says my friend Maryam.

Maryam is a woman of faith, bravery and sweetness.

  • Faith because she sees God’s work in her own life.
  • Bravery because she is a public speaker in a foreign language in a foreign country.
  • Sweetness because she is quick to smile and notice kindness in others.

Daring to try

MaryamAbout a year and a half ago, Maryam left her home of Iran to be at her husband’s side in the U.S. while he worked on his Ph.D. studies in physics at Mizzou. She wanted to learn English better and work on speaking so her husband took her to a meeting of the Downtown Toastmasters Club where I am a member.

How was her first meeting? “It was really frightening!” she said. People were hard to understand because they spoke so fluently and fast. Not one to give up easily, she kept returning every week to our Toastmasters meeting.

Her first goal was learning English but more than just finding a place to practice English speaking, she found many good friends. Her new friendships gave her the opportunity to know American culture and let us learn more about Iranian culture over the past year of her membership in Toastmasters.

Maryam gave a speech on how Iranians celebrate their new year in spring with special foods and meaningful symbols on the table . She taught us how they stay up together during the longest night until they see the sun rise. She spoke to us of Persian poets and how their words live in her heart. She made us laugh about her wedding photos and her attempts to make her face look sexy.

American and Iranian cultural exchanges

I asked her how it has been to live in America. She said, “We say America is the land of opportunity. If you can study hard and work hard, you get the best job. It doesn’t depend on your religion or your politics.”

Maryam’s sweet spirit and openness are charming. She looks for the goodness in people. She said, “All Americans are really kind people. People are so open when I say, ‘I’m a foreigner. I came from another country and I’m learning English.’ They encourage me and help me.”

I asked if she ever had difficult experiences because she is a Muslim from Iran and things can seem tense between our two countries. No one has ever said anything bad to her. She said, “Don’t trust your TV. When two governments are not so good to each other, they can make the people of the other country look bad. But people are completely different than politics. We all work, we all have children.”

Challenging days on her own made her stronger

In Iran, adult children usually only leave their parents when they marry. Maryam was an exception. She applied for a MA degree in the south of Iran, far from her family in Tehran. She was alone and had to learn how to handle things by herself. She worked, studied and made friends. After graduation, she got a job that required travel for work. Those days made her stronger.

Life often surprises us. She could never have predicted her current situation living 6,800 miles from home. But she explained that coming to the U.S. was not so hard. Her faith and a sense of purpose gave her strength. She says, “God had a plan. He was preparing me. Because of those days on my own, I could bear being alone without my parents and family. Now I’m OK, no problem!”

No matter where she is, she will never be far from a friend because she makes friends so easily.

Funny stories for the future

Where will she go from here? Maryam says she is not satisfied with her English and feels she should work harder. She used to write a blog and stories in Farsi, her native language. Now she dreams of being a writer in English and making funny stories out of everyday life.

I treasure my friendship with Maryam. Whether she is giving a speech or writing a story, she has an audience in me!

Put your dream in motion!

What is your dream? Take a moment and see it in your mind’s eye. What does it look like?

Movies instead of snapshots

You might see yourself sitting on a beach, standing at the altar to be married or getting an award. I had a dream of living in the country and having my own horse.

But after that moment, what next?

Too often we dream in snapshots, seeing only a static picture of what we want. Make your dream a movie. Visualize your future in depth, detail and motion. Using your imagination to its fullest will help make your vision a reality.

Passive fantasy, active dream

Fantasies are flat and demand nothing of us. Fantasies allow you to sit. Fantasies fulfill us for a moment.

A dream motivates us to pursue it. There’s an irresistible nature. Even if you want to forget, your heart keeps reminding you. If your dream doesn’t pull you toward it, then you’ve got the wrong dream.

Like a brave retriever goes after a stick in a lake, we must dive in and swim toward the dream. Quit the shore and the old ideas of shouldn’t, can’t, impossible. We must leave the solid sand under our feet and paddle out.

Depth and motion

I didn’t give enough depth to my dream. Life is always changing. Powerful dreams should incorporate change.

When I dreamed of a horse, did I imagine paying the vet bills? Did I imagine bringing buckets of hot water from the bathtub out to the pasture in 20 degree weather in a February night to soak his abscessed hoof?

Flesh it out. More than just a flat picture of a horse, imagine how the barn both fills and empties of hay. Imagine how the horse both nickers at the sight of you and needs to have his stall mucked. Imagine the warmth of his neck under your palm and the weight of his hoof on your boot.

When you think of living your dream, how will you feel? What will you wear and eat in your new reality? What sounds do you hear? Look around and imagine the details of your surroundings. Give breath to your vision and picture yourself breathing, talking and moving.

Effective visualization builds belief that you can change your life. As you become more comfortable with your dream, it starts to feel more real.

Your future is coming to meet you

We are people of possibilities. You can make choices and decide how you want your life to be. It starts with a vision of what you want. Make your idea more than a flat, still picture. Add motion and sound.

Your dream is galloping toward you. See it coming closer. Turn your dream into a movie, and then into reality!

I invite your comments!

3,000 sermons later: a pastor talks about speaking

Wondering where God intersects with mathematics and metaphor? Tim Carson has a book for you. Feeling overcome with emotion but unable to speak about it? Tim Carson has a hug for you.

One morning in church, the congregation struggled to sing a hymn that had words in an African language. We mumbled and mouthed our way through. Then from the back of the sanctuary, a rolling voice rang out and sang with confidence. In an instant, all of us could sing the song. We raised our voices and our volume increased from 3 to 11. This is the power of Tim Carson, who builds up hundreds of people in his roles as pastor, musician, author and friend.

A strong voice strengthens everyone else. Someone has to be bold enough to start the conversation and bring up ideas. This gives you a starting point to define where you stand.

Whether he’s singing out or speaking up, Tim has one of the strongest voices of anyone I know. I sat down with him to talk about how to make an impact.

Commit

He first revealed you need to have commitment to what you’re saying. Only speak about things that are dear to you. If you don’t believe, then no one else will. You can’t pretend passion.

“There’s a part of you that fears social disapproval but then there’s another part that says, ‘Am I going to be true to myself or not?’ It’s integrity vs. fear,” he said.

Connect

He next talked about recognizing the affinity. Why has this group gathered? They wouldn’t be there unless they all cared.

If you speak on a regular basis to people you know, then you have a chance to have a deeper exchange. He said it’s a comforting relationship with the congregation because they are friends he sees every week.

Focus

Tim then told me the most important part for a powerful talk: focus. If you focus, engage and lift your spirits before you say a word, you ensure that you are heard once you start speaking.

Remind yourself to focus your energy before you begin. If you’re a believer, this the time you whisper a prayer to God and ask the Holy Spirit to flow through you.

In Tim’s case, his Sundays at Broadway Christian Church are busy. With an hour of Christian education plus three different services in one morning, he relies on this prayer while waiting to give his third sermon in a row.

If you lose your stride in a talk, you can regain your focus in two ways: a cue word or a focal point. You might tell yourself “Focus” or use a reset object in the room. A former high school football player, Tim mentioned how football games require maximum focus for about 30 seconds from snap to huddle. A football player looks at the goal post and says, “Reset.” In that moment, all that has gone before is history.

Keep your mind in the present and forget any mistakes.

Pause

He illuminated his art as a speech designer. Because the launch can be the hardest, be careful about what you do in the first minute. You can start in a provocative way such as asking a series of questions without giving the answers. Connect with your audience and build the energy.

During a longer talk, you need to include meaningful pauses that give people space to gather their thoughts and energies.  Ask your audience to concentrate for a while and then give them a moment to absorb the ideas or feelings. Try making the pause explicit, saying, “Let’s take a minute to think about that.”

Taking it to the streets

Raise your voiceI appreciate Tim’s wisdom to commit, connect, focus and pause.

I’ll apply his advice to not only to my speaking, but to my personal conversations, my writing and my daily life. This week, I’ll remind myself to focus. We live in a world often scattered, distracted and rushed. If we were more present, how much richer would our relationships be?

Read Tim’s blog at vitalwholeness

What spoke to you in this post? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!

Give that horse a banana!

Devon sees the bananaWhat’s the typical thing to give a horse as a treat? Apples and carrots, right? But I know a horse named Devon who is different. Devon loves bananas.

When he sees that I have a banana, his eyes brighten, his ears perk up and he’s quick to the door. He even licks my hand afterward to get every taste of banana he can. Bananas are from heaven for Devon.

Do you give what you expect your loved ones to want (apples and carrots) without knowing for sure if it is their heart’s desire (bananas)?

Time to play games

I used to get my husband books, candy and clothes. Those were things he liked and they were easy to buy. Then I realized the sweetest treat I could give him wasn’t anything sugary. It would be playing games with him. Now I make time to play card games like Blitz and bluffing games like liar’s dice.

A friend told me listening and kind words are her banana. She appreciates when someone pays close attention to her feelings and responds by saying the things she needs to hear in that moment.

A pack of gum

After I graduated from college, I went overseas for an internship. There I met Rachel from Oklahoma. As the only young Americans working in a small town in Belgium, we were drawn together. Over a dinner of pasta as we got to know each other, she told me her dreams about how her future husband would be. What she said has stayed with me for two decades.

“He wouldn’t bring me roses on Valentine’s Day. I don’t want flowers when everyone else gets them. I’d love a pack of gum on an ordinary day if he brought it home to me and said, ‘I thought of you at the gas station and got this gum for you.’ Just knowing my husband had thought of me would be better than Valentine roses,” she said.

Since our time overseas, Rachel married and has been with her husband for 14 years now. While away on business, her husband recently posted a photo on Facebook of a beer on a Friday night. Now a cold glass of beer might be enough to make most guys happy, but for the photo caption he wrote, “Just wish my favorite lady was here to share it.” Her husband’s thoughtfulness makes her feel like the most important person in the world. Even thousands of miles away, he always has her on his mind.

Ask, understand, give

Devon enjoys his banana.Often we give what we like to get, or we give the typical choice. Horses eat carrots, right? Instead, ask your loved ones, “What is special to you?” Take time to understand them and their deepest values. Let them surprise you. Work to delight them.

Give that husband a game partner, give that wife a pack of gum and give that horse a banana!

What makes your heart sing? Do you know someone who gives affection in an unexpected way? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!