Tag: personal growth

Way to go, you! Do this now for a better new year

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party with balloons and confetti

partyImagine you’re the boss of your life and you’re preparing a report for yourself. You’ve been working hard. Now’s the time to revel in your progress!

The best way to get ready for the new year is take a flyover and see your existence from a distance. Pull back and reflect on what was most meaningful.

Write down your top five things accomplished in 2013.

Beyond the obvious resume-type accomplishments like graduating or getting a new job, what did you learn? Do you have a new skill like juggling, baking bread from scratch or dyeing yarn?

How did you affect people?

Is your life in a better place than last January?  Was it a good year for you? If not, what is in your power to change for next year?

Think about aspects such as faith, relationships, home, health, money, career and creativity.

Ideas about what you might have achieved (any of these true for you?)

  • I got socks and shoes on my young children every day. (Any parent will appreciate that this is a major accomplishment!)
  • This was the year I flossed.
  • I made the bed in a semi-regular way.
  • I let myself daydream.
  • I let my passion breathe.
  • I let myself laugh.
  • I let myself grieve.
  • I opened the door just a crack for hope and joy to sneak in a little.
  • I found meaning in my faith.
  • I trusted the Lord even when I didn’t understand everything that happened to me.
  • I forgave myself for losing my patience.
  • I experimented with a new way of doing things!
  • I was willing to change.
  • I wrote poetry.
  • I made art.
  • I sang, and the music carried me.
  • I read a book that changed my thinking.
  • I read the Bible and let the Holy Spirit infuse my life.
  • I built an afghan rack.
  • I lived life with a sense of humor.
  • I enjoyed strong, nourishing and stimulating friendships.
  • I remembered to say “thank you” for the marvelous gift of being alive.
  • I loved my pony as if I were a little girl. (Did you guess…this is one of mine!!)

Why celebrate?

Celebrating your accomplishments energizes you! Completion gives us a sense of joy and fulfillment.

When you discover what gave you the most satisfaction this year, you can bring more of what nourishes you to your life.

Remind yourself of how you’re thriving!

Put your list up on the mirror for the next two weeks.  Rejoice in your successes! Acknowledge how much work you’ve done.

We live in a future-thinking culture that makes to-do lists. January 1—the big day of resolutions—is around the corner. Why not look back for a moment? Looking back and defining your values will propel you forward in the direction you want to go.

Know what matters to you and what you’re capable of so you can plan where you want to go in 2014. This is your time. Use it!

Take it to a friend

My sister and I enjoy sharing our lists with each other. Telling another person about what you’ve done is a powerful way to deepen your sense of purpose.

What is your favorite accomplishment of 2013?

Let’s hear yours, and how you managed to achieve it in the comments below!

Blue? Try green instead!

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snake plant

snake plantEver get a case of the winter blahs? Short days and long nights give you the blues? A little green life will energize your space! You’ll feel better with oxygen and a touch of nature.

During my week off for Thanksgiving, I wrote 5,000 words on my memoir. (I’m so close to finishing!) As I wrote, I realized that one of my characters wasn’t human; it was my first houseplant.

I was 20 when my housemate gave me this plant. Almost 25 years later, this plant still lives with me. It’s survived the zaniness of my 20s, the unintentional neglect of my 30s when I was child-centered and more unintentional neglect during my outwardly focused life of my 40s.

It even survived a trip across the country from California to Missouri in a cardboard box through the mail with no soil on its roots.

This plant cheers me up. It’s been an important part of my path toward wellness. Upright and green, it never tires of stretching for the light. It reminds me that I have to keep growing and stretching for the love of God that nourishes me as sure as the sun sustains my plant.

Consider yourself a true black thumb? Known for your plant-killing reputation? Do you also tend to push yourself too hard, often ignoring your body and running yourself ragged? Taking care of plants is one of the simplest and most satisfying ways of care taking. By nurturing another living thing, you will slow down and take better care of yourself.

Good plants for busy people

Two common problems with plant care are over-watering and incorrect light.

aloeBefore you imagine me as some magical plant-raising fairy who makes vines swirl up with the twist of my glittery green finger, I’ll admit that I have killed many a plant. Many.

Before I was a mom, I could care for the finicky ones. Misting an African violet, or doing daily trimming and fussing, all that used to be possible before motherhood and the demands of life. Now I stick to the ones who can live with the level of care I can give them (read, minimal).

These are my longtime reliable friends. I recommend them as the best place to start if you’re new to plants.

  • Spider plant (extra benefit: this one purifies the air for you!)
  • Pothos (free if you know someone growing this! You can take a cutting and start a new one easily)
  • Snake plant (obviously, a beloved one of mine! This one also purifies the air and removes the formaldehyde and nitrogen oxide produced by fuel-burning appliances)
  • Rubber plant
  • Jade plant (some Asian cultures believe this one will bring you good fortune!)
  • Aloe (nice to keep in the kitchen in case you get a burn! A gift from a friend at church, the one shown in the photo sits on the sill so we can enjoy it while washing dishes)
  • Zebrina (another plant that is easy to start with a cutting)

What do plants need?

  • Light and location
  • Water
  • Soil and nourishment
  • Attention

Sound familiar? Give yourself the equivalent.

Light and location

Make sure you get enough light this winter!

Spiritual meditation on light
For it is the God who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God.
2 Corinthians 4:6

Water

Plenty of water will keep you healthy, hydrated and better able to fend off viruses.

Spiritual meditation on water
You visit the earth and water it,
you greatly enrich it;
the river of God is full of water;
You water its furrows abundantly,
you settle its ridges,
you soften it with showers,
you bless its growth
Psalm 65:9a,10

Soil and nourishment

Following nature’s rhythm is healing. Wellness comes from a supportive environment and encouraging people. What are you grounded in? Learn from the plant world. Deepen your spiritual roots in good earth. Lengthen your branches to the sky.

Spiritual meditation on soil
Do not fear, O soil; be glad and rejoice, for the Lord has done great things!
Joel 2:20-22

Attention

What are you paying attention to? Worldly temporary things like technology? Or the inner peace that surpasses understanding? The actions and thoughts you feed will grow stronger. Feed the right things.

Spiritual meditation on attention

For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace…
Romans 8:6

Remember, connect with nature for wellness this winter. Replace your blues with green!

Bonus: you can enjoy a two-minute meditative slideshow video featuring my office plants: http://youtu.be/9e9swsZxm8s

Please add your thoughts in the comments below and also be sure to share which plants are your favorites!

What you mean to me

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lizardYou can find more reasons to stay put than move toward your goal.

It’s too hard. I don’t know enough. I don’t like being uncomfortable. I’m too old. I’m not experienced enough. There are already so many people doing it.

I’m scared.

And the biggest one, I’m not good enough.

Starting this blog at the beginning of the year with my first post, I heard my loudest inner critic say in a snide tone, “I’m not a good enough writer. I’m not a good enough Christian.”

It’s a risk to go for a dream. I’ll admit to you, I wasn’t sure what would happen. What if, instead of a place for us with light to grow in, this blog was a ghost town on the web, just me and some tumbleweeds with the occasional lizard running through?

Yet I felt I had to try. Under the voice of my inner critic, I heard a calling like a melodious whisper that I wanted to answer.

Seeing what happens

What happened exceeded my hopes! You, my beloved readers, made this experiment worthwhile. You passed on the word about the blog.

You stopped me for a quick visit about how you could relate to what I said.

You left comments that touched my heart and emails that I have saved in my journal.

You said, “I can relate.”

You strengthen me. You bless me.

I felt less alone. I realized that we’re working toward common goals of growing our faith, our compassion and our ability to enjoy life.

This Thanksgiving, I’ll be giving thanks for you, my valued readers.

The critic comes every week. I hear that same disparaging voice with its prediction of failure and the assessment of “not good enough.”

But friendship and support are stronger, steadier, louder. The sense of togetherness affirms that I should keep going.

As hard as it is, as little as I know, as badly as I write, as much as I stumble and drop communion on my way toward God, I will keep going.

I appreciate you for coming with me!

Big Thank You Book Giveaway

Daily Guideposts 2014 bookAs a thank you, I’m giving away five different books. I wish I could give all of you a book and sit down with you over a cup of tea, but the budget wouldn’t allow it 😀

Comment on today’s blog and you’ll be entered in the random drawing!

You can leave a comment here until noon, Friday, Nov. 22, 2013, when I will randomly pick the winner of the first book, Daily Guideposts 2014, a Spirit-lifting Devotional. A friend at church recommended this book, and I plan to use it in 2014.

The fun will continue with four more books to give away on social media with my Facebook page Genevieve A. Howard and Twitter @HowGen, so join me there!

Good luck and BIG THANK YOU!

Are you letting weeds grow in your life?

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fence row with weeds

fence row with weedsIt was a hot afternoon July 4, 2000. I had been a homeowner for 11 days.

We bought ten and a half acres of land in the country, a mix of pasture and woods. Our house was about 175 feet from the gravel road, inside a barbed wire fence.

When I looked out our picture window toward the road, I saw weeds. Not small, easily overlooked knee-high weeds, the tender, innocent type of greenery that could be forgiven because it was pretty (I have a soft spot for the cheery faces of dandelions in the spring). I saw weeds taller than my own height of six feet: giant ragweed.

I changed to raggedy jeans and a t-shirt. After tromping to the barn for a tool I deemed suitable for battle with ragweed (a machete), I began to hack away.

And hack. And hack. I could only work at their bases above the ground, trying to topple them; they were too big to uproot.

The woody stems were almost as thick as my wrist. They refused to let go of life without a sturdy fight.

Having moved to Missouri a year and a half earlier, I was new to the state and didn’t know much about ragweed. For example, that I’m highly allergic to it.

My nose ran. Where I dripped sweat—which was everywhere—yellow pollen stuck to me. My hands were red and puffy. I alternated between puffing and wheezing. My eyes got bulgy. I could feel them tearing up.

The bout reached a decisive moment for victory.

Gen vs. Ragweed

OFFICIAL FIGHT ANALYSIS: Gen outmatched, exhausted and overheated, falls with a defeat time of one hour despite being in a much higher weight class. Ragweed wins, celebrates its victory by standing proud in 95-degree weather.

I gave up. Back inside with iced tea and air conditioning, I looked out the picture window again.

In my new home for less than two weeks, I was already defeated by a weed with a nature for knockout through fast growth, allergens and strong stems.

I surveyed my work down the fence line. I’d removed about a four-foot-square area.

It was hardly noticeable compared to the 120′ of ragweed that stretched across the front.

We had some work to do.

The Harvest Story

A farmer planted seed. As he scattered the seed, some of it fell on the road, and birds ate it. Some fell in the gravel; it sprouted quickly but didn’t put down roots, so when the sun came up it withered just as quickly. Some fell in the weeds; as it came up, it was strangled by the weeds. Some fell on good earth, and produced a harvest beyond his wildest dreams. (Matthew 13:3-8, The Message)

Maintaining a healthy spirit

barbed wireWhen soil is disrupted, this is a time when weeds take root. When the foundation of your life is being turned over (think: teenagers, any kind of big life transition like the end of a relationship, job loss, health issue), you’re more vulnerable. Ask for help.

Give yourself more time to rest and reflect. You’re setting up the rest of your life. You need to replenish yourself.

It always surprises me how little it takes to go from choice to consequence to habit. A bad choice seems innocuous, small as a seed, “just this once.” But that choice grows and takes root in your life until it’s a habit, like a patch of six-foot-tall ragweed, defiant to change.

We did get most of the ragweed out and we removed the barbed wire fence, all 1,800 feet of it. The ragweed comes back every spring, eager for sunlight. Nature shows us competition: for space in the physical world, the mental world, the spiritual world.

Good soil needs constant nourishment. What are you doing to build the vitality of your spirituality? What will grow in the ground of your life?

Be the good soil and bless the world!

Prayer

May we be people of good soil,
not just asking for the bread of the
harvest but growing,
praying,
praising,
bringing a bountiful harvest
of love and compassion to all we meet.

Nun vs. Couch Lady: an internal argument

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nunShe lives a life of simplicity and order. She likes her space sparse so we’ll call her Sister Sparsicus. She follows Jesus’s teachings and has no attachments to material goods.

Pray without ceasing.
1 Thessalonians 5:17

She does. She structures her life around prayer. She wakes and reconnects to the spirit as easily as entering a waterfall and flowing with a river.

Obedience draws its meaning from the verb to listen. Focused on the Lord, her ability to listen grows deeper from consistent practice. Like sensing an earthquake before it happens, she can hear the sound of God working in our lives through her bones.

Calm and unshakable, she lives with the divine at her center, edges and flesh.

Her own room is smaller than a horse stall with only a simple cot, a chair and a desk. There are no mirrors and few personal possessions. She lives in a community of faith where they sing together and worship at regular intervals during the day when the church bells ring. She eats bread and water, vegetables and rice. On feast days, she enjoys a single cookie or jam on her bread.

Her exposure to the world limited, her single focus is prayer. Protected from the onslaught of advertising, marketing, personal promotion, social media and junk mail, her mind is tuned to a single spiritual transmitter.

She is a living reminder of where God belongs: everywhere—in our space, in our words, in our mind, in the center of our being and in our heart.

Sister Sparsicus is my fantasy self.

Couch kingdom

couch-friendsMy reality self is more like Cozy Couch Camper, luxuriant and indulgent. I looked for a bible verse about relaxing on the couch but I couldn’t find one (leave it in the comments if you know one!).

I’m absorbed in good times, soft cushions, silliness and splurging on snacks like dark chocolate. Mmm dark chocolate. Might need to take a break for some…

I collect books, notes, photos, poems, potential craft items, memories, magazines, yarn skeins and blue striped spa socks.

I survey stuff stacked through the length of my trailer. Piles of papers make castle walls. I feel protected with stuff around me, shielded from impending pain and doom, the unknown and uncontrollable.

I am my own princess of paper and boxes.

I occasionally leave the couch. I scuff my way in fuzzy slippers to the kitchen where hot cocoa and a plateful of cookies await me.

Then it’s back to my couch kingdom. Like a kitty finding a sunny spot for a snooze, it feels good to sink in the sensual pleasures of the world. Soft couch. Dark chocolate. Friendly pets. From morning to night, I consume messages, food, flattery and social media updates.

How do I find faith in the life I live? This hairy, messy, comfort-seeking life? So far from my fantasy life of a contemplative nun.

Two sides, same coin

Do you have two sides? My husband said he has a “I want to help people” side with “Leave me alone.” Another friend said she has a homebody vs. a world traveler. Maybe yours is a workaholic vs. a dilly-dallier. A believer vs. a cynic. The logical vs. the emotional.

We can’t divorce an aspect of our personality so how do we live with it in peace? We can apply gentleness and respect to resolve the conflict of opposites. I value my nun side but spend more time couch-side.

To find reconciliation, we need to see what they have in common. Both sides of me seek contentment, surrender and faith.

Sister Sparsicus and Cozy Couch Camper don’t want God relegated to random moments or a weekly hour.

I’ve got pray intermittently down pat. No problem! Pray when it occurs to me at random times or when my prayer reminder computer alarm goes off. Not quite a monastery bell!

I will respect my desire to pray more. I’ll work on the more, and give myself a break about the constantly. It doesn’t have to be a nunnery or nothing!

I’ll ease up the critical judgment on my couch self. I’ll forgive myself for being a lazy lover of all things cozy—for I find joy and restoration in soft places with afghans and pillows.

I’ll respect the delight in experiencing the physical world: its sweetness and saltiness, its abundance of treasures.

This world points to heaven. I’ll enjoy it as such, a traveler seeing the sights while knowing I’m moving on.

How do you find integration and wholeness between opposing sides? I welcome your thoughts below!

These are your last 5 years

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The larval stage of dragonflies may last as long as five years. The adult stage when they have wings and can fly only lasts as long as five or six months. (Wikipedia)
The larval stage of dragonflies may last as long as five years. The adult stage when they have wings and can fly only lasts as long as five or six months. (Wikipedia)

Imagine that today, June 19, 2013, is the beginning of your last five years. Imagine your life will come to a peaceful end on June 19, 2018.

How do you feel? Is it less time that you expect, or more? Does it seem like enough time?

What will your contribution be?

What do you still have left to do that will make your life complete?

Live in the time you have

A person of zest and vitality is present. Older people are often happier because they know they don’t have much time left. They appreciate small moments—wild daisies next to road, the antics of a squirrel or a playful baby in the grocery cart in front of them. They let go of worry over insignificant things.

daisies
Wild daisies

The happiest people pay attention. As you slow down, your sense of time stretches out like a summer evening on the porch as the sun reaches across the pasture, brushing the grass seed heads with gold.

We often chase imaginary moments and conditional circumstances. When I am like this, then I will be like that. When I am thinner, I will be happy. When I am richer, I will be secure. When this is settled, then I can relax.

Be happy now. Feel secure now. Relax now. Don’t neglect the moment you already have. Live inside it, make it your home. Occupy it with your own sense of style. Deepen your experience.

Be silly

You might as well have the most fun you can in your last five years, right? Do you want a lack of embarrassment or stories to tell? As my friend Debbie does, make your own dance floor. Bring your own party.

Playfulness makes joy!

Name your places, things, actions

In your last five years, where would you go? Would you keep living where you are? Make a date to move if you’re not in the place you belong.

Is there someplace you want to visit? Set a travel date during the next five years.

What have you longed for that you don’t have—a talking parrot, a yacht with a chef or a beauty pageant crown? Right now, make a list of what you want but don’t have, and then write why you want it.

What do you need to do with your last five years? Are you doing the right work? What do you still need to learn or read or make? Write it down.

Will your spiritual practices sustain you as you face the end of your life? Make a note of what you need for strength and grace. Include notes on how you will pursue these practices.

The people of your life

Who do you need to see more of?

Who do you need to stay away from?

Pledge that you will surround yourself with only those who support your true self and you will avoid those who tear you down. I’m not saying to only be with those who agree with you. Conflict is natural. It’s good to be challenged by differences in perspective and personality. But protect yourself from those who hurt you and treat you as if you’re worthless. Your time is valuable. You are valuable.

What do you need to say? Make amends where needed. Put your heart in words to those you love.

Who needs time with you?

All the important people in your life will treasure more connection, more memories and more experiences with you.

Be with them. Bless them with your presence.

Live your life as if these are your last five years. Make it meaningful. Make it count.

 

Go from behind the counter to your own office

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Gen at age 20

Do you want to make a change that seems overwhelming? You can succeed in a daunting situation using three ideas from the theater:

  • Practice
  • Putting it on
  • Pretending as-if

Gen at age 20One of my earliest lessons in the power of using external elements for change was in my early 20s.

I’d spent most of my time either wandering in Europe or working in food service when I was back in the States until I saved enough money to go back to Europe.

As my money went to hostels and plane tickets, I couldn’t afford a car. I got around Santa Cruz on my motorcycle in good weather and on the bus in bad.

My undergrad degree was in language studies, so I knew a good deal about linguistics and medieval France, but little about modern day American business.

I looked around and saw that there weren’t many opportunities to move upward in the places I worked. Until I took a managerial role (undesirable) or an ownership track (even less desirable), I could see that I’d still be making lattés in 10 years.

I decided I would work in an office because offices seemed to hold promotional powers that cafés didn’t. I had the ability to smile and to type. I still needed more and this is where the boldness of theater helped me.

How did I go from hippie mocha maker to a professional with good prospects?

Practice

First, I practiced my introduction. I stood in the mirror and presented myself. I worked on smiling before I answered the phone as I’d read that a smile makes your voice sound friendlier when you answer.

What will you need to do in your new role? Practice it in the safety of home or with a friend. The more you get used to the newness in privacy, the smoother it will go when you try it in public. Memorize what you need to know and say. Just like an actor runs through his lines, polish your message until it’s perfect. You’ll be ready to shine when the curtain rises!

Put it on

I needed an outfit to support me in my new career path. I imagined women who worked in offices wore silk shirts. I went to a second-hand store and bought a deep blue silk shirt with a large bow in front. Once I was in my silk shirt, I felt different. This is the power of costume.

An actor knows that clothing helps you become a different person. As my basketball player son told me, “When I put on the jersey, I’m no longer me. I’m part of the team.”

Find the outfit that fits your new role. Which clothes make you feel strong and powerful? Is there a certain color you feel most confident in?

Pretend as-if

Gen's Zen DenFinally, I thought about business people and sought to act like one. I was nervous when I went to interview and present myself as a professional.

Would they see I knew more about layering espresso in foamed milk than operating computers and phone switchboards? Inside I was as squirrely as a rodent about to fight over the last acorn.

I wasn’t familiar with business culture but I acted as if I was a competent office worker and guess what? I have my own office now!

I feel a sense of belonging in my office. I’ve made it a comfortable place where I can be productive and welcome my coworkers. My office is called Gen’s Zen Den. I’m glad I dared to make a change and try a new career.

Act confident today, be confident tomorrow!

You don’t have to feel confident to seem confident. Practice what you’ll need to do. Dress the part. Act as if you know what you’re doing. Watch and learn.

You won’t feel out of place for long. Time is a great friend—soon you will know what you’re doing and feel confident!

Which techniques helped you seem confident when you felt the opposite? Tell me about them!

Put your dream in motion!

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What is your dream? Take a moment and see it in your mind’s eye. What does it look like?

Movies instead of snapshots

You might see yourself sitting on a beach, standing at the altar to be married or getting an award. I had a dream of living in the country and having my own horse.

But after that moment, what next?

Too often we dream in snapshots, seeing only a static picture of what we want. Make your dream a movie. Visualize your future in depth, detail and motion. Using your imagination to its fullest will help make your vision a reality.

Passive fantasy, active dream

Fantasies are flat and demand nothing of us. Fantasies allow you to sit. Fantasies fulfill us for a moment.

A dream motivates us to pursue it. There’s an irresistible nature. Even if you want to forget, your heart keeps reminding you. If your dream doesn’t pull you toward it, then you’ve got the wrong dream.

Like a brave retriever goes after a stick in a lake, we must dive in and swim toward the dream. Quit the shore and the old ideas of shouldn’t, can’t, impossible. We must leave the solid sand under our feet and paddle out.

Depth and motion

I didn’t give enough depth to my dream. Life is always changing. Powerful dreams should incorporate change.

When I dreamed of a horse, did I imagine paying the vet bills? Did I imagine bringing buckets of hot water from the bathtub out to the pasture in 20 degree weather in a February night to soak his abscessed hoof?

Flesh it out. More than just a flat picture of a horse, imagine how the barn both fills and empties of hay. Imagine how the horse both nickers at the sight of you and needs to have his stall mucked. Imagine the warmth of his neck under your palm and the weight of his hoof on your boot.

When you think of living your dream, how will you feel? What will you wear and eat in your new reality? What sounds do you hear? Look around and imagine the details of your surroundings. Give breath to your vision and picture yourself breathing, talking and moving.

Effective visualization builds belief that you can change your life. As you become more comfortable with your dream, it starts to feel more real.

Your future is coming to meet you

We are people of possibilities. You can make choices and decide how you want your life to be. It starts with a vision of what you want. Make your idea more than a flat, still picture. Add motion and sound.

Your dream is galloping toward you. See it coming closer. Turn your dream into a movie, and then into reality!

I invite your comments!

3,000 sermons later: a pastor talks about speaking

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Wondering where God intersects with mathematics and metaphor? Tim Carson has a book for you. Feeling overcome with emotion but unable to speak about it? Tim Carson has a hug for you.

One morning in church, the congregation struggled to sing a hymn that had words in an African language. We mumbled and mouthed our way through. Then from the back of the sanctuary, a rolling voice rang out and sang with confidence. In an instant, all of us could sing the song. We raised our voices and our volume increased from 3 to 11. This is the power of Tim Carson, who builds up hundreds of people in his roles as pastor, musician, author and friend.

A strong voice strengthens everyone else. Someone has to be bold enough to start the conversation and bring up ideas. This gives you a starting point to define where you stand.

Whether he’s singing out or speaking up, Tim has one of the strongest voices of anyone I know. I sat down with him to talk about how to make an impact.

Commit

He first revealed you need to have commitment to what you’re saying. Only speak about things that are dear to you. If you don’t believe, then no one else will. You can’t pretend passion.

“There’s a part of you that fears social disapproval but then there’s another part that says, ‘Am I going to be true to myself or not?’ It’s integrity vs. fear,” he said.

Connect

He next talked about recognizing the affinity. Why has this group gathered? They wouldn’t be there unless they all cared.

If you speak on a regular basis to people you know, then you have a chance to have a deeper exchange. He said it’s a comforting relationship with the congregation because they are friends he sees every week.

Focus

Tim then told me the most important part for a powerful talk: focus. If you focus, engage and lift your spirits before you say a word, you ensure that you are heard once you start speaking.

Remind yourself to focus your energy before you begin. If you’re a believer, this the time you whisper a prayer to God and ask the Holy Spirit to flow through you.

In Tim’s case, his Sundays at Broadway Christian Church are busy. With an hour of Christian education plus three different services in one morning, he relies on this prayer while waiting to give his third sermon in a row.

If you lose your stride in a talk, you can regain your focus in two ways: a cue word or a focal point. You might tell yourself “Focus” or use a reset object in the room. A former high school football player, Tim mentioned how football games require maximum focus for about 30 seconds from snap to huddle. A football player looks at the goal post and says, “Reset.” In that moment, all that has gone before is history.

Keep your mind in the present and forget any mistakes.

Pause

He illuminated his art as a speech designer. Because the launch can be the hardest, be careful about what you do in the first minute. You can start in a provocative way such as asking a series of questions without giving the answers. Connect with your audience and build the energy.

During a longer talk, you need to include meaningful pauses that give people space to gather their thoughts and energies.  Ask your audience to concentrate for a while and then give them a moment to absorb the ideas or feelings. Try making the pause explicit, saying, “Let’s take a minute to think about that.”

Taking it to the streets

Raise your voiceI appreciate Tim’s wisdom to commit, connect, focus and pause.

I’ll apply his advice to not only to my speaking, but to my personal conversations, my writing and my daily life. This week, I’ll remind myself to focus. We live in a world often scattered, distracted and rushed. If we were more present, how much richer would our relationships be?

Read Tim’s blog at vitalwholeness

What spoke to you in this post? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!

Tell that trash talkin’ opossum, “No thanks!”

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Baby birds

What’s it like in your head? Is it an easy, relaxed place to be? At the end of the day, do you feel positive and excited for the next day or drained and discouraged, dreading what the next day will bring?

I have good news if you’re in the drained and discouraged camp: you can change your mind and change your mood.

Years ago, my mind was like a neglected alley, overrun by opossums eating out of knocked-down trash cans under dull yellow light. My thoughts were a daily toxic stream of unforgiving words and mean judgments directed toward myself. I could do no right in my own eyes. It was exhausting.

I cringe when I hear an adult say to a kid, “No! What’s wrong with you? You’re so stupid!” I know from experience that kids can be super recorders and replay hard words in their heads for a lifetime.

You have competing elements for your inner voice. One is a cruel self-critic, and sounds like a opossum that hisses and eats trash. The other is the voice of your spirit, less noticeable and more fragile. Like a fledgling songbird, it needs to be nurtured to grow stronger. The opossum can climb into the songbird’s nest and crunch its bones if you let it. Or you can feed the songbird until it’s strong enough to fly and carry your thoughts with it.

An old opossum message might have been I’m so stupid! What’s wrong with me?

If you find yourself thinking that, try following it with a songbird message of, It’s OK. Mistakes happen. I can learn from this.

You might think a opossum thought such as, I’m too fat/skinny/bald/hairy/old/young. Nobody likes/understands/wants me.

Your new songbird thought can be, So what? I’m going to try things and enjoy life regardless of my weight/hair situation/age. I’ll do what I can to be a blessing to other people.

Be a friend to yourself. Let your mind be a place of song and spirit. Tell that trash talkin’ opossum, “No thanks!”

Do you want to make or have you made a change in the way you think? I’d love to hear about it in the comments!

PS—No hate mail from opossum lovers please! Called “America’s finest marsupials” by Logan Howard, I recognize opossums as creatures that deserve respect but all’s fair in love and metaphor.

Baby birds