Goodwill or bust!

Making our own adventures in ordinary places

A secondhand cat in a secondhand basket. Love them both!
A secondhand cat from the humane society in a secondhand basket from Goodwill. Love them both!

I found my vintage wedding dress in a thrift shop. A heavy satin from the 1960s, it cascaded down in a shiny ivory pool over my feet. I liked that it came with a history of success. If it had worked once, I figured, it would work again.

The dress held mystery. Who had worn it before? I imagined stories about her. Had her wedding been simple, a get-together at her parents’ house with cake and punch? Was it a formal affair in church with hundreds gathered? When she grew old, did she spend her time crocheting?

With a mom married in a second-hand wedding dress, my son came to thrift store shopping honestly.

I’m an adult convert. I never went thrift store shopping as a child. I grew up going to department stores like Lord and Taylor, Macy’s and Neiman Marcus that smelled of women’s floral perfume and men’s leathery cologne. Everything was new and had been advertised in Vogue.

I remember an early thrift experience when I was 21 and living in Santa Cruz. My housemates took me to a warehouse called Bargain Barn. We waited outside, milling around with other people before it opened. Inside, the workers dumped clothes and shoes on long tables with slight edges to keep the items on top. The mounds reached up to eye level. A bell rang and the doors opened. You paid by the pound for the clothes you bought, whether they were leather or cotton.

We squeezed through the door like a mass of human tooth paste. Frenzy and adventure electrified the air. Everyone moved with speed and determination. I bumped up along the first table and looked over the large number of clothes assembled in front of me as people next to me flung them past.

One of my housemates brought me a pair of white go-go boots. “These would be cool on you,” he said.

They looked authentic. Thick heels and stretchy white vinyl with tall laces. A treasure!

I bought them and was transformed into a secondhand store shopper.

Family vacation destination

One summer, two family vacations, three states, four different Goodwills. Whichever town we are in, we check out the Goodwill. The first trip was up to Minnesota to visit my parents. While we were out running errands, my parents asked if there was anywhere we wanted to go.

“Yes! We’d like to go to the Goodwill,” we said. They looked surprised, shook their heads and humored us.

We walked into the Goodwill in St. Paul and stopped in awe when we got through the front door. Organized by color, the racks were rainbows through the store. It was colorful and full of action. Dozens of red sweaters changed to pink to yellow.

I like to search for three main things: handmade sweaters, baskets and afghans. I started with sweaters while my husband and son peeled off for the men’s section. I found a sweater in my size crocheted with three types of yarn in a Catherine wheel pattern. Fantastic!

The basket section was loaded with different sizes and materials. If I hadn’t been limited by the size of our car trunk, our suitcases and our long drive home, I would have picked out five. Or ten. Or, if I’m being honest and my family didn’t talk me down, 15. But I limited myself to one.

We could have spent the afternoon in the St. Paul Goodwill but out of respect for my parents, we pulled ourselves away from the extravagance.

Our second trip was to Illinois to visit my childhood friend. For this trip, we mapped out our drive so it included a stop by the O’Fallon Goodwill. What a great store! Friendly people. My son found a t-shirt with trained and certified Dating Consultant written in script across the front. I picked out fluffy blue towels, brand-new.

Once in Illinois, we stopped by the Goodwill in Alton. I chose a fancy Christmas dress for my friend’s daughter.

Our home store is in Columbia, Missouri. We like to drop off donations and then shop. A perfect circle.

Used spirituality

What are we in God’s eyes? More like department store items chosen carefully by professional buyers, clean and unused?

Perhaps you have a few worn places, a small hidden stain, or a torn place that can be mended.

All we need is the willingness to hang on the rack, and let God take us home and make us a new creation.

God has a use for you.

A deeper understanding of people and their stuff

Like modern-day cultural anthropologists, we learn about people by looking at stuff. What was thought worth enough to be given away instead of sent to the trash? What did the employees consider good enough to put out to sell?

I appreciate seeing people with disabilities both at work in Goodwill and shopping there. Too often, we arrange our lives to avoid those with differences.

Sometimes we work hard to keep an image of perfection going. Secondhand is all about practicality, utility and getting the most out of what you have. As I walk in the store, I smell the earthy scent of fiber, baskets, stuffed toys, furniture and dusty electronics. It’s the smell of human culture. So much stuff flows through our lives. How good to let it flow instead of clot up for too long! I’m grateful to everyone who takes the time to donate instead of dump their stuff.

As a family, we have fun exploring and shopping. It gives me a sense of reconnecting. We see the trends that were, the items that sold a staggering number and then were discarded. Remember the singing wall fish? Cabbage patch dolls? Beanie babies? My son found a Fushigi magic ball in the Jefferson City Goodwill. If we keep looking, I think we might find a pet rock. Or a troll doll.

My son and I both enjoy tchotchkes. All three of us love bargains. Goodwill was made for us. As a family, we can buy mass quantities of clothes and knickknacks but still walk out only $40 lighter.

As someone who takes months to make a single afghan, I appreciate seeing handmade afghans in Goodwill. I take heart that people respect handmade crafts and donate them, rather than trash them, even if they’re in rough shape. I have adopted three afghans for our house.

I ask my husband to tell me the story of who made the latest afghan I brought home. He humors me and says, “This rainbow afghan was crocheted by an older woman while she crossed the U.S. in a hippie bus.”

I wonder if she wore a heavy satin ivory dress in the 1960s.

 Are you a fan of secondhand? Tell me more in the comments!

How to break up with the person you used to be

If I met her today, I would raise my eyebrows. They’d be the same eyebrows: thick, rogue and ready to go off on their own. That would be the end of what we have in common.

I’m 80,000 words into my memoir, and I have about 10,000 words to go. I waded through more than 100 journals to get my story. Through listening to the echoes my earlier self left on the page, I got to know who I used to be.

I didn’t like her.

**********************

Cookie blessing
Pastor Tim blesses Cookie. Photo by Dana Fritz.

My beloved half-Chihuahua Cookie struggles with social anxiety that she expresses through growling.

In a kind voice, her vet once explained to us that he was going to write “fear biter” on her chart so she would be treated with extra-gentleness. It didn’t mean she was a bad dog. It meant she needed special handling so no one got hurt, including Cookie.

We had a pet blessing at my church last weekend. I brought Cookie.

People make her nervous. Other dogs make her nervous. Loud voices make her nervous. Vultures make her very nervous. All these things were part of the event.

Between the nervous shaking and the growling, Cookie almost trembled her way out of her skin. She was blessed anyway.

Even the nervous, growly ones need blessing. Maybe they need it most of all.

**********************

I had a hard time making sense of the early journals, in part because I went through a period of not dating them so one day ran into the next, but mostly because I wasn’t making sense. I recorded things people said to me next to my own ideas. Like untangling a knot in a fragile gold chain necklace, I pulled apart the snippet of a conversation in a café from a song lyric.

An exchange overheard on a bus went next to my plans for the future and a list of foods I got from the health food store called the Food Bin but affectionately called the Food Binge.

Pages rolled on without explanation or context. For hours, I worked to draw a single clear thought out of anguish mounded in dark scrawls, a glass bead in a neglected corner crowded with dust bunnies. The memoir grew.

Making Peace

Cookie at the pet blessing. Photo by Dana Fritz.
Cookie at the pet blessing. Photo by Dana Fritz.

I acknowledge the person I was 25 years ago. It’s true I ran around and bounced off the walls of the city. Nightclubs seemed too small, and each time I saw the ocean, I was tempted to dissolve in it.

I didn’t believe in goodness.

I was prickly and unpleasant while wanting to be praised, needy but unable to accept affection. I cussed and walked in the street, rejecting the sidewalk’s offer to keep me safe. I slept in my clothes due to apathy, drunkenness or lack of ability to choose a different outfit.

I saw no point in hoping.

I refused joy or couldn’t find it. I don’t know if I was looking.

Breaking up

As I extract a story from raw materials, I see my past in a new light. I realize I need to break up with the person I used to be.

Like a dysfunctional friendship you only hang onto for historical reasons, I’ve been carrying around my old self. I’m ready to let go.

I acknowledge my differences with who I was and end it with grace.

We need to say this to the past: “It’s over.”

And we need to pray: “God, bless who I was, who I am and who you want me to be.”

Because even the nervous, growly ones need blessing. Maybe they need it most of all.

Ultramen in handmade sweaters

ultramenMy mother knitted them for my niece’s Barbie dolls. She followed careful patterns to make sweaters, pants and dresses. She counted stitches. She included details of stripes and snaps, elastic waistbands and ribbing on the cuffs.

She must have used tiny knitting needles. The little loops curl around one another in rows, neat as bowling pins with equal distance between each one.

How satisfying it must have been to make the miniature outfits! A whole wardrobe could be finished in a week.

Making clothing for adults can be tedious. You never notice how big a grown man is until you try to knit a sweater for him! You notice how strange our heads are shaped once you wrestle with the angles of making a hat fit.

Dolls make perfect models. Never growing, they stand ready to pose in your latest fashion. They won’t stretch out the sleeves or wear out the elbows.

A new purpose

My niece grew up. The dolls—no longer needed—waited for a fashion show that never came in southern weather unsuited for sweaters.

Because of my interest in all things yarn, my sister asked if I wanted the Barbie clothes.

“Of course! Sounds fun!” I said.

She mailed me the clothes in an envelope the size of a thin paperback.

I admired them and put them in a box. The sweaters waited.

Meanwhile, my husband’s Ultramen protected the bookshelf from attack. They stood unyielding in molded red plastic armor.

The realization struck me. Sweaters are made to be worn, not stored in boxes.

These Ultramen need sweaters! I got them dressed immediately.

Could my mother imagine her creations would decorate Japanese plastic superheroes from the 1960s? Would she be distressed—or delighted?

After we’ve made something, we can’t control how it’s used. We can make it with joy and give it away with our best hopes. Once it’s out of our hands, it goes in its own direction.

What are you making now that will outlast you?

Her work—with its unintended purpose—continues to produce joy.

Proud Ultramen in knitted glory look out from their bookshelf across the vast bedroom. They are never cold, always cozy, cheering us up every time we see them.

Ultramen in hand knit sweaters—the silliness of it, the wonderfulness of it, life!

Romance of the hook

afghanHow easy it is to fall in love!

Beginnings carry their own rushing wind, as if we start every adventure at the top of a hill and coast down. Then the bike slows and we have to pedal. The thought comes, is it worth pedaling in the direction we’re going?

I started this afghan more than a month ago. Ah, the excitement of the start! I decided to do an afghan to honor my great-aunt. I gathered together my leftover yarn.

This was going to be an amazing afghan! I would use up my leftovers and have something happy.

I grouped the skeins together: purples, brown, sea foam, white, black and khaki.

Missing those bright 1960s colors, I stopped at the store. I got cherry red and orange.

What’s better than the first loop, and the chain to start the afghan? I could pick the size. Of course it should fit our queen size bed! I chained 140 loops.

Pretty Little Moss

This is going to be the greatest thing I’ve ever made! Better than the forest floor prayer shawl. With that project, I had it in mind that I wanted to look like I’d rolled on the forest floor and come up wearing the shawl. It did turn out that way. Unfortunately.

Have you ever seen a six-foot woman wearing a shawl modeled on a forest floor?

I imagined I would look earthy, warm and natural, something from picturesque glades in Northern Europe.

What I looked like in reality was more unkempt—possibly rabid—squirrel than stylish Scandinavian.

All I need is a few twigs in my hair when I wear that shawl and I could pass for a veritable wild woods woman.

Give me a black kettle and a falling down cottage and the look would be complete. So that’s how that project went. I still wear the forest floor prayer shawl. Almost as a dare to see how people respond to it.

I used green fun fur in the shawl, so it’s super soft for hugs. It even feels like a forest floor, mossy and inscrutable!

But this afghan, it’s going to be marvelous!

The need to pedal…and shop

As I started to work on it, I realized I needed more colors. I went to the store for bright yellow and a neon variegated yarn called Blacklight.

Because I’m impatient, I went with double crochet instead of single as my great-aunt did. I figured she was retired; she had the time to single crochet a bed-sized afghan. I have two jobs to work and high school football to watch so double crochet it is.

My ideal timeline for a project is two weeks. Then I’m ready to be at the top of the hill again. Even with the double crochet—and excessive tea drinking that keeps me up in the evening to work on it—this afghan is looking like it will demand three or four months. I’m in the pedaling phase.

I’m six weeks in with more than 9,000 stitches done. Only 18,000 more. But such a big number overwhelms me. Better to think of the fabulous finished project—so happy, so colorful!

This afghan, it’s going to be splendiferous!

I needed more colors for it to truly radiant the 1960s zeitgeist. I got some green and variegated blue.

My son said, “You bought six new skeins of yarn so you could make something that was going to use up your leftover yarn? Do you see a problem here?”

I don’t remember what I answered. I was too busy thinking…

This afghan, it’s going to be magnificent!

Crying at the water’s edge

baptism

baptismThe baptism was over. The newly baptized teenager in a wet, white robe was welcomed with whoops, clapping and a big towel. The pastor stepped out and left to dry off. The little children who had gathered around the baptismal pool got up to return to their parents.

The worship service continued. My eyes stopped running and slowed to a trickle, just enough to wet my cheeks instead of my neck. My shakiness eased. I blinked a lot, still woozy from so much crying. My eyes felt replaced by sandpaper globes. The tip of my nose gleamed red like Rudolph, tender from tissue wiping.

I’d started crying an hour earlier, even before the service started. When I was out in the narthex—full of anticipation about the moment to come—my friend Carla approached me. We faced each other and she took my hands.

“How did your son come to this decision?” she asked, her eyes tearing up. “I didn’t think he was headed in this direction.”

“This summer, he had a revelation. He stayed up all night and wrestled with God,” I said. I could feel the pressure building behind my nose, my own eyes starting to pool.

“Like Jacob!”

“Yes, exactly! Wrestling with God like Jacob. He went through all his feelings and thoughts. For hours—all through the night—he struggled. He found answers for all the reasons he didn’t believe. As morning came, it hit him. He realized he did believe in God and he was a Christian. He even changed his status on Facebook.”

“So then it was really official!” she said and we both laughed. “How amazing that God worked in his life this way!”

“So amazing! It made me feel like God is working in everyone’s lives even when we can’t see it. We just don’t know,” I said. “I could have never guessed this.”

Grace and faith

After the baptism, as the service continued, I sat in happiness, knowing the pews around us were filled with friends who loved my son and took delight in seeing him get baptized.

Love flooded the sanctuary.

What is more precious than a child?

What is better than a child who dies to his old life and gives his new one to the service of the Lord?

He is a new creation.

As I sat, my son rushed up the aisle to me. I seized my still-damp son tight and wept fresh tears. We held each other and both shook from crying as the congregation sang.

Our pastor, Tim, explained at the end of the service that grace is God’s love given to all. Faith is our response to it. With faith, we start our relationship with God.

Ordinary moments and God moments

Most of my time is spent in ordinary moments. I copy and paste for hours at work. I disinfect the sink. I heat up chicken strips. I ride in an old car on a long commute. I crochet stitch by stitch on an afghan that seems like it won’t ever get finished. I let out the dog—again—even though she just went out!

But a few of my moments are God moments, when the holy light of God shines warm and clear. I can see and feel God with a palpable sureness, like my bare arm feels sunlight on a cool day.

I want for nothing. I feel complete, content and timeless. All is perfect. All is well. The tent door between our world and heaven is slid open so a sliver of light comes through. I look out. I get a glimpse of glory.

This moment—this hug from my son newly born in the life of Christ—was a God moment.

The last time I cried so much was from sadness: years ago when my brother died of suicide, a culmination of loneliness, desperation, mental confusion and drug addiction.

It was his death that made me want to go public with my faith as a Christian. It was his death that drove me to seek a church. Resa, the friend who sat at my side during my first visit to church, was again at my side, holding my hand while my son was baptized.

This time I cried so much from joy.

We can’t know what will happen. My son will take his own way with unseen hills to climb and curves to follow. I can’t make it smooth. But now he’ll travel with faith as a source of strength in a community of Christians all working our way toward God.

Our lives will end. But the love of Christ goes on forever.

And when Jesus had been baptized, just as he came up from the water,
suddenly the heavens were opened to him and he saw the Spirit of God
descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said,
“This is my Son, the Beloved, with whom I am well pleased.”

Matthew 3:16-17 (NRSV)

Sandwiches are so hard

thanksI recently had an afternoon to spend at the local hospital. I needed some tests and then had an appointment a few hours later. It didn’t make sense to leave so I decided to wait it out.

Time is malleable. When I’m doing something I love, hours slip by as fast as a fox across a field. When I’m waiting to see an oncologist, minutes limp along, an arthritic dog laboring his way to the door.

I noticed that making decisions doesn’t come easily during the waiting time.

On a good day, I take my time to decide anything. I like to research and study before making a choice. If you’ve eaten with me in a restaurant, you know I can go two ways: always ordering the same thing or taking a long time to inspect the menu before asking the  server for his suggestion.

During a time of unknowing, my hesitant decision making skills peter out. I stood at the cooler looking at cold sandwiches for ten minutes. Roast beef? Cheese and tomato? Baguette? Italian? I was both thankful and envious when someone came up and took the last turkey and cheese.

Thankful because it was one less choice, envious because she had made her decision so quickly and maybe that  was the best sandwich!

Less emotional energy

When facing a big change or big news, I have less emotional energy. A sandwich choice is going to seem much more imposing than usual.

I went with the roast beef.

If you know someone has a lot going on, try making a decision for them.

During a crisis, the natural offer is to say “Let me know if you need anything.” Of course it’s an offer made from generosity but the person doesn’t have the emotional energy to let anyone know. She probably is struggling to even tell what she needs, let alone communicate it.

A concrete offer can be more helpful. “I will call you on Wednesday just to say hello.” “I will bring you tea at 3:15.”

You might get refused but that’s OK.

Sometimes the effort to not think about something makes it impossible to think at all. I didn’t want to think about cancer so I couldn’t think about which sandwich would taste good. It was as if my brain went onto energy-saver mode.

Facing something tough? Save your hard choices for the times when you’re clear-headed.

It’s OK to say, “I’m having an off day and I can’t make this decision right now.”

 

PS—I got to my appointment with the oncologist. She looked over the test results and said, “Not malignant. So that’s good news.”

I left the office and crossed the skywalk. I passed the prayer room and decided to go in. I fell to my knees, thinking, “Thank you God for the gift of my life. I know someone right now in this hospital is hearing the word, malignant. Comfort them and give them the strength they need.”

Giving thanks is one decision I know is always right, even in times I can’t pick a sandwich.

Why I decided to “look less tall”

new hair

new hairHave you had a day where you have no idea what you will look like at the end of it? I have. I call it, this past Labor Day.

I woke up on Labor Day morning, happy for the day off. My husband and I had worked on Saturday so it was great getting an extra chance to sleep in and not worry about being late for anything. Like work. Or church. Or 6:30 a.m. drop-offs at school for my son.

I luxuriated over a cup of Ceylon Orange Pekoe tea (thank you, Laura and Justin!) and made slow movements toward getting ready.

I picked up the cinnamon pecan muffins that I had made the night before and went to my friend’s house up the road for breakfast. She made a fresh pot of coffee and we sat on her back deck.

Ferns under the pine trees gleamed green while a hummingbird zipped by. It was just my kind of morning: friendship, caffeine and eating outdoors with a breeze and sunshine.

We talked about a little of everything, such as the dysfunctional relationships our pets can have. Her kitty jumps at the pet snake in its enclosure then the dog barks at the kitty. They seem to be driving one another a little crazy. The kitty could ignore the snake and break the cycle. But where is the fun in that? Don’t we all have something we could ignore, but we choose to get involved with instead?

What stood out to me was her haircut. She’d cut her hair short. “It’s so great! I just wash it and it dries in two seconds.” It looked cute but also daring. It was hair that was ready for anything.

As I drove home after a morning of ponies and laughter at my friend’s place, I thought, “Why do I have long hair? I don’t do anything with it. I always want the focus on my face so I keep it pulled back.”

“For more than a decade, I’ve thought of myself as a person with long hair. But what if I’m not?”

“Why do I need this hair?”

I realized I didn’t need long hair anymore. The afternoon of Labor Day, I had it cut off. (The last time I cut my hair short was 2000, in sympathy to my sister when she was losing her hair because of chemo. She’s been cancer-free since, hallelujah!)

Most interesting comment about my new hair so far? I look “less tall.”

What should we hold on to? Only the most valuable things. What will still mean something to you ten, twenty years from now? At the end of your life?

In my life, I’m an expert at holding on but a reluctant amateur at letting go. I have come from a proud line of keepers. Art, broken electronics, books, stuffed animals, cheap cubic zirconia jewelry, china, photos, assorted “things that might be useful/worth a lot of money someday”. Each of us cared about different things and kept what we found valuable whether anyone agreed with its value or not.

In the end, it’s all stuff. Stuff that has to be dealt with after the person collecting it is gone. The remaining family members try to sort through it. Is this piece of paper valuable? A decision is made. Good. Only one thousand more to go.

What should we do with this furniture, this painting? It exhausts people to have to organize a deceased loved one’s belongings during the midst of grief.

To have and to hold, to let go and be bold

As I learn to release, I’m working to be someone with an open hand who can let go with joy. Life  and death, gain and loss, health and illness will happen, no matter how much I own and how many things I have surrounding me.

I want my clothes, my belongings and even my hair to reflect that I trust in God’s goodness.

Even if I’ve held on to it (grown it out!) for years, I’ll practice letting go of what I don’t need.

Long hair, old identities, habits no longer needed, unhelpful relationships, things that don’t matter (be they resentments or excessive material goods), all that can go!

From now on, I’ll just be a person, instead of “a person with long hair”.

I’ll ready myself—empty myself—so I have space to receive the good things to come.

I’ll travel light. Do you want to join me?

What will we keep? Visits with friends.

The next blessings coming our way.

We can collect moments of kindness. Let’s hold on to hope and faith! We’ll see what that brings us.

I suspect it might bring peace.

Laugh a little more

friends laughing

laughingIt will get you through hours at the hospital, days of hospice and months of hard times. It can diffuse fights and lighten your mood.

It can even help you deal with cranky people. What is it?

A sense of humor!

The $100 Band-Aid

In my family, we have jokes that have been distilled into one phrase. With an injury, we can look at the hurt person and say, “Do we need to take you to the ER for a Band-Aid?”

This refers to the time my son cut his hand on a painting canvas. He was about nine years old. He showed me the wound. By wound, I mean geyser of gushing blood. I couldn’t tell how bad the cut was but based on quantity of blood, I thought it needed stitches. It was Sunday evening and the walk-in clinics were closed. The hospital was our only choice.

We prepared to go to the hospital. We let the dogs out, put on our shoes and got in the car.

We live in the country. A trip to the closest gas station is 15 minutes. The hospital is 40 minutes away with no traffic. By the time we got to the ER to check in, it had been more than an hour since the cut.

We waited 45 minutes for our turn. The nurse led us back to a bed. He asked to see my son’s hand. It had been about two hours since the injury. The nurse peeled back the bloodied bandages. He wiped it and peered at my son’s palm. Our heads formed a circle as we all leaned in to look.

There, near the pad of his thumb, was a cut the same length as a grain of rice.

“Looks OK now,” he said.

“It seemed worse when it happened,” I said. “It was bleeding a lot. I thought he would need stitches.”

“I don’t think there’s enough of a cut to fit a stitch. I can put on a Band-Aid.”

He unwrapped the package and stuck it on.

We walked out, $100 poorer, brand new bandage attached, laughing. Who brings their kid to the ER for a Band-Aid? Us, apparently!

You’ll have times where you make mistakes. It’s clear I lack the ability to diagnose wound severity. But a sense of humor will let you off the hook of dwelling and self-judgment.

Humor for hard times

We need humor more than ever when we have to go through something hard.

You’ll have situations that you don’t know how to deal with. Things like a friend fighting with her ex-husband, a parent dying, a coworker losing a job, a child in intensive care.

Laughter can be a moment of relief, a way to lighten the situation. A joke about the hospital’s terrible pudding or the ridiculous way the ex-husband writes emails can ease the tension.

Our family’s sense of humor gave us the ability to survive hundreds of hours in hospitals (for things more serious than microscopic cuts) with our sanity intact. Laughter warms up the most sterile of rooms and fills up a heart.

Having a hard moment, hard day, seemingly hard life? Look for the ironic, the nonsensical, the cheesiest thing around. Rejoice in the life you have—imperfect, difficult and confusing.

Find a way to laugh more and get through it!

What tough things has humor helped you through? Tell me about it in the comments!

The Luckiest Paper Clip Finder You Know

sixteen paper clips

paper-clipsIf you’ve walked with me, you know I often find paper clips. I’m probably the luckiest paper clip finder you know.

When I catch sight of the silver glint, I stop. It’s a moment of discovery and remembrance.

The way people respond when I find one tells me more about them than they know. There are those who dismiss me as quirky, or crazy. There are those who take part in my delight. These are my friends.

They look for them with me. They look for them on their own and when they find one, send it to me taped on greeting cards with a kind word, “Found this today and thought of you!”

They scatter paper clips for me in secret so I can find them on my way. Such love blesses me. Their desire to make me happy makes me happy.

It started on Sept. 20, 2011. After lunch with a friend, I found a wealth of paper clips outside the door of my building, Gentry Hall. I wrote this poem.

what it is to love you

walking back from lunch
i noticed silver glinting
in afternoon light–
nineteen large paperclips scattered
for the taking.

i picked up sixteen–
their metal warm from the sun
and i left three
in case someone else wants
to discover treasure
and feel rich

so many paperclips
in my hand

now i can attach papers together
without puncturing them as staples do
without making them stick forever with glue
and take the risk of being torn apart in separation.

paperclips bring them close
enough to touch
but keep them easily freed
at any moment

Finding spirit

Some people understand me without explanation. I was walking with a colleague on campus to a meeting. At sight of a paper clip, I remarked on it and stopped to pick it up. “It’s good luck to me,” I told her.

“Oh, your thing is paper clips? Mine is pens,” she said.

It can be difficult to see God’s work in our world. Even if you’re in a moment of health and power, strength and youth, beauty and popularity, you know the moment will pass. We all have lived through—or will live though—brutal experiences. Terror, violence, isolation, suffering, irrelevance, bitterness. Sometimes we carry our losses so long that the weight of them bends over our spirits. We can live in a schism, disconnected from our deepest needs of joy, peace, hope and love.

When I find a paper clip, it reminds me of God’s abundance. I can trust that good surprises still await me. New friendships, new journeys and new ways of seeing.

We are free to choose what we see and what we look for. We decide what we value. We can take the lost and give them a home, as I have with my cats, dogs, pony and paper clips. We can help a friend find the thing she thinks is lucky.

I’m a searcher. I search for grace, a kind of paper clip that fastens my life to God.

I often find it. More often than I find paper clips and I’m quite the lucky paper clip finder.

Is it from luck? Or is it from looking?

Easy organizing tips from a basket case

tiny duck basketI’ve never been known for my homemaking skills. We are not what you would call disciplined people. But we have made a positive change in what our house looks like this summer. You’ll hear our story and find out how we made it happen using a party, a plan and prizes.

I don’t possess natural or learned talent at running a household. After you read my upcoming memoir, you’ll understand why I never got basic household skills. To make a long story short, I’m someone who prefers poetry to picking up. The result? People have described my home through the years as “lived in” or “cozy.”

My husband worked in a bookstore for years and he told me that the people who buy yachting magazines are not yacht owners. They’re the people who dream about owning a yacht.

Who do you think are the people who buy organization books? I have so many books on getting organized that they clutter up my bookshelf. Some take a feng shui approach (“chi needs to flow”), others a hard line (“don’t be lazy—scrub that toilet with a toothbrush!”). Some suggested “easy tips” that I failed at following, either proving that they weren’t as easy as promised or that I am incapable of doing easy things. “I’ll take the hard way, please, full chaos.”

A case for baskets

We live in a singlewide trailer that is 16 feet across by 66 feet long: 1,056 square feet for three people (who have clothing, shoes and toiletries) plus two dogs (who need toys, blankets, beds, food and treats) and two cats (with their six-foot-tall cat tree, toys, food and catnip. Need cat organizing tips?).

Just all this everyday stuff might give our house a “pleasantly plump” feeling but on top of that, we’re collectors. We collect comics, books, board games, plastic horses, magazines, electronic devices, Playstation games, craft items, mismatched tea cups and plastic Shakespeare’s/Heidelberg cups. (I reached my goal of 100 plastic cups a while ago but just added one more today. Why do we do it??)

I also collect baskets. At last count, 48. Because, as you can tell, I need someplace to put things.

beet pulpAlthough most of the stuff for the horse and pony is in the barn, we keep the saddle, bridle and beet pulp in the house. Don’t you have a bag of beet pulp by your front door?

Holding onto so much stuff means that we’re living in the future or the past. Part of our stuff is memorabilia. This was a gift from so-and-so. I went on a trip and brought back this mug. My iMac G3 was the coolest computer ever (also by our front door).

Then we hold onto things we might need for the future. I have 190 skeins of yarn because all the yarn stores in the world might DISAPPEAR WITHOUT WARNING. I need to be ready for the yarn apocalypse.

In the middle of all this stuff, I know I’m not living according to my beliefs. So much clutter shows that I’m putting fear before faith, materialism before transcendence.

I believe God works in the present. If I am aware and my space is open, God has room to move in my life. I can let go and trust that God will provide my daily bread. And yarn. And baskets for me to put my bread and yarn in.

A party, a plan and prizes

How did we turn it around this summer?

First, a party. A party motivated us to move the dozens of shoes out of the foyer so we could open the front door for guests.

Second, a plan. We found a book with a weekly checklist of household chores divided up throughout the year. Who knew we were supposed to vacuum under the couch cushions? I love a good checklist almost as much as a nice basket.

Third, prizes. Using the checklist in Stephanie O’Dea’s Totally Together, we give ourselves a prize for making our cleaning goal five out of seven days. We decide each week at our family meeting what our upcoming prize will be. It might be a visit to a store we like to (window) shop (like Itchy’s Stop and Scratch) or to a café for a boba drink.

How has our new way of neatness affected our lives? We come home and it feels like a sanctuary, not a storage shed.

I used to think cleaning was a burden. Now I see keeping the house clean is a kindness to us. We wake up to open space. We find things when we need them. We have room to move. At night, we climb into a made bed and the covers welcome us.

If you would like more order in your life, whether in your home, your office, your shop or your barn, try the party, plan and prize method. The party can just be one friend stopping by. The plan can be as simple as 10 minutes a day picking up. The prize might be a pack of gum.

We have a long way to go. But if we can make a good start, then I know you can too. Leave your tips and troubles in the comments. Let’s get organized and get energized together!