Month: February 2013

Trust the empty spaces in your future

Posted in UncategorizedTagged , , , , 12 Comments
muffin and tea

muffin and teaGauzy white curtains from ceiling to floor sway from the easy breeze coming in through the window. The honey-colored wood floors gleam in the afternoon sunlight. You don’t have anywhere you have to be. As you sit in grey cotton clothes and slippers, you relax in languid laziness.

Someone has brought you tea along with a fresh baked muffin. The tea rests next to your journal and you watch the steam swirl as it rises. You feel loved and well-rested.

In the room, there’s only your writing table with chairs and a couch. Friends describe your house as spacious.

You make meal plans and follow them. You own few things so you travel light. Your finances are in order with no debt. You’re like a Buddhist monk, structured and disciplined, detached from the chaos of fortune.

You live according to plan and follow a simple schedule. Your life is a wide expanse, like fields of snow that go on as far as the eye can see: clean, white, sparkling.

You live in the moment. Time, space and your sense of peace seem unending.

This is my fantasy.

Reality

Heavy black-out curtains hang still. I can’t open the windows because it’s too hot or too cold. On the four days the weather is decent for window opening in Missouri, I don’t dare do it because the screens are missing and the bugs are bad.

I’m late or rushing for the next place to be. Without the help of generous friends, my life wouldn’t work. For the rare hours I’m home, I catch up with laundry which never seems to get put away so I pick outfits out of baskets. The stained carpet should have been replaced seven years ago.

My kitchen table is a jumble of cracker boxes, mail, school papers plus a collection of things that don’t belong anywhere obvious as if the table doubles as a shelter for homeless items. Friends describe my house as cozy and “interesting because you have so many different things to look at.”

I sometimes have crackers and cheese or fast food for dinner. My student loan debt is a big number.

We have three people, two dogs, two cats and eight houseplants in a thousand square feet.

Every room in my house is full of books, games, shoes, stacks of papers, toys, clothes in baskets, dog supplies, horse supplies, cat supplies and yarn (which also doubles as a cat toy and could be categorized in cat supplies, if you asked the cats. They might also categorize yarn as a decorating item, based on how the house looks on our return when I’m absent-minded and leave a yarn ball out. Remember how we used to teepee houses as teenagers? Now our cats do that to us with yarn).

My mind is in the future or the past. I worry about who and what I’m neglecting.

This is my real life.

Can you relate?

Are you like me? Do you fill the rooms of your house with unneeded items? Your closet with more clothes than fit in it? Your schedule with more activities than are comfortable? Your budget with more expenses than income? Your mind with more fear and criticism than peace and kindness?

We have a fear of the blank page and the unseen future. As fast as we can, we color the empty spaces in the coloring book of our lives. We don’t like pauses so we fill them in with ums instead.

We can teach ourselves to act in a different way.

Just for this week, what part of your life could you leave intentionally blank?

For me, just for this week, I will welcome the unexpected like a snow day, the quiet from a power outtage and the times of waiting. I’ll ease up on my push to produce, procure and perform.

I will give myself time to be at peace. Does this mean I stop moving? Doubtful (see previous paragraphs about pets who like twice-daily food). Peace doesn’t have to be an artificial stillness or a forced serenity. I will look for peace in the motions of my daily life. I’ll take a deep breath and smile. I’ll accept each moment as it is.

Rest is part of God’s plan for us. We don’t have to do it all and fill it all in.

Remember the words in Psalm 23 are in present tense, offering you revitalization right now,”He makes me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside still waters; he restores my soul.”

We can trust in the empty spaces. Goodness is there for us even if it doesn’t have a visible shape.

Let the peace that transcends understanding give you room to breathe. A room with gauzy white curtains swaying…

Go from behind the counter to your own office

Posted in UncategorizedTagged , , , , 4 Comments
Gen at age 20

Do you want to make a change that seems overwhelming? You can succeed in a daunting situation using three ideas from the theater:

  • Practice
  • Putting it on
  • Pretending as-if

Gen at age 20One of my earliest lessons in the power of using external elements for change was in my early 20s.

I’d spent most of my time either wandering in Europe or working in food service when I was back in the States until I saved enough money to go back to Europe.

As my money went to hostels and plane tickets, I couldn’t afford a car. I got around Santa Cruz on my motorcycle in good weather and on the bus in bad.

My undergrad degree was in language studies, so I knew a good deal about linguistics and medieval France, but little about modern day American business.

I looked around and saw that there weren’t many opportunities to move upward in the places I worked. Until I took a managerial role (undesirable) or an ownership track (even less desirable), I could see that I’d still be making lattés in 10 years.

I decided I would work in an office because offices seemed to hold promotional powers that cafés didn’t. I had the ability to smile and to type. I still needed more and this is where the boldness of theater helped me.

How did I go from hippie mocha maker to a professional with good prospects?

Practice

First, I practiced my introduction. I stood in the mirror and presented myself. I worked on smiling before I answered the phone as I’d read that a smile makes your voice sound friendlier when you answer.

What will you need to do in your new role? Practice it in the safety of home or with a friend. The more you get used to the newness in privacy, the smoother it will go when you try it in public. Memorize what you need to know and say. Just like an actor runs through his lines, polish your message until it’s perfect. You’ll be ready to shine when the curtain rises!

Put it on

I needed an outfit to support me in my new career path. I imagined women who worked in offices wore silk shirts. I went to a second-hand store and bought a deep blue silk shirt with a large bow in front. Once I was in my silk shirt, I felt different. This is the power of costume.

An actor knows that clothing helps you become a different person. As my basketball player son told me, “When I put on the jersey, I’m no longer me. I’m part of the team.”

Find the outfit that fits your new role. Which clothes make you feel strong and powerful? Is there a certain color you feel most confident in?

Pretend as-if

Gen's Zen DenFinally, I thought about business people and sought to act like one. I was nervous when I went to interview and present myself as a professional.

Would they see I knew more about layering espresso in foamed milk than operating computers and phone switchboards? Inside I was as squirrely as a rodent about to fight over the last acorn.

I wasn’t familiar with business culture but I acted as if I was a competent office worker and guess what? I have my own office now!

I feel a sense of belonging in my office. I’ve made it a comfortable place where I can be productive and welcome my coworkers. My office is called Gen’s Zen Den. I’m glad I dared to make a change and try a new career.

Act confident today, be confident tomorrow!

You don’t have to feel confident to seem confident. Practice what you’ll need to do. Dress the part. Act as if you know what you’re doing. Watch and learn.

You won’t feel out of place for long. Time is a great friend—soon you will know what you’re doing and feel confident!

Which techniques helped you seem confident when you felt the opposite? Tell me about them!

Open love letter to the people of the world

Posted in UncategorizedTagged , , , , , , , , , 10 Comments

heart
Today is Ash Wednesday and tomorrow is Valentine’s Day.

These are both important days because one is about life, death and love, and the other is about life, death and love.

Poems for Lent

As my spiritual practice for Lent this year, I will write a poem every day. Prayers and poems are good friends, sometimes one and the same. In writing poetry during Lent, I hope to grow closer to the light.

Poems as gifts

Have you already picked out something to give to your Valentine? Why not add a poem? Don’t worry about not knowing poetry. You already recognize a good poem without having to think about it or spend years working at it.

Poetry is a God-given right

The essence is in you from birth. You can refine your abilities, as a reader, writer and listener, but you already have poetry in your heart, passed down from the time you lived beneath your mother’s heart.

My poem for you today

I want you to know
I’ve had a good time here so far.
You open the door for me and
I notice your thoughtfulness.

Thank you for making this a world where doors open.

I want you to know
you belong here.
How you are and who you are matters.
Those around you today might not be the same people around you tomorrow.
Tell them today why you’re glad to see them.

Thank you for being part of this time on earth.

I want you to know
you’re not alone.
Someone else is awake at 3 a.m. You’re not alone.
Loneliness doesn’t have to be a killer.
It can be the start of a friendship
if you give it words.

Someone I didn’t know well called and asked how I was doing.
“I’m lonely,” I said.
“I’ll come over,” she said.
She brought a pizza. We became friends. We had babies.
Our babies played together. It started with saying, “I’m lonely.”

Loneliness comes to everyone. Single people
might think marriage is an answer but if you
know enough married people, you know
loneliness can live there too among the married.

Give the loneliness a place to be. Put it in words.
Put it in art. Put it in song. You can make something
out of your loneliness. Be an alchemist.

Thank you for not giving up because of
moments of loneliness. Thank you for staying.

I want you to know
your feelings have value but not always meaning.
We have times we feel abandoned and betrayed.
Go on. Don’t let pain be the end of you.
Make peace with it.
Sometimes it’s just a feeling and it doesn’t mean anything
about you.
Feelings are clouds passing by.
Some are bright, some are thunderheads.
Let them all pass by. You’re a sky, not a cloud.

Thank you for living in a world of feelings
even when they’re hard feelings.

I want you to know
there’s more to find out.
Keep looking!
Keep finding out!
Splash your face with curiosity and
wake up!
Go toward the thing that makes your heart pound.
Get to know what you fear.
Keep finding things to wonder about.

Thank you for teaching me that it’s interesting to live.

I want you to know
I appreciate you believing in me
when I didn’t believe in life.
You, the people of the world, did this for me! You gave me the sense
I was part of something important, this adventure where we pack our
bags with different items but we all have stories.

Thank you for trusting me with your real stories.

I want you to know
I notice all the big and small things you do.
You help me with my zipper when my own hands can’t do it.
You feed me when I’m hungry.
You say, “Don’t worry about your life.”
You give me a ride when it’s cold and rainy out.
You ask after me.
You know my favorite kind of donut.
You go out of your way to make sure I’m safe.
You smile.
You bring me my favorite drink, hot tea with sugar.
You are patient with children and tender with the old.
You say my name with affection.

Thank you for making my life lighter.

I want you to know
I like hearing you laugh:
children, friends over lunch in a restaurant,
people reminiscing how their loved ones were,
missing them but still
laughing because they could be so funny
about sand in the house or about the speed of the coffee maker.

Thank you for the sound of laughter. Thank you for
remembering those who have gone.

I want you to know
love still matters.
Look around. Who do you love?
Tell them. Tell them in a hundred ways.
Enjoy them! Hug them, serve them food,
forgive them, write them notes. Say,

This is what I see in you.

You try hard. You get frustrated and discouraged but you go on.
You might have times of feeling alone or in pain but go on.

Thank you, world, for going on.

Go on.
Go on.
I love you.
God bless you.

Go on.

Maryam: never far from a friend

Posted in UncategorizedTagged , , , , , 10 Comments
Maryam

“I think God knows what he is doing with us,” says my friend Maryam.

Maryam is a woman of faith, bravery and sweetness.

  • Faith because she sees God’s work in her own life.
  • Bravery because she is a public speaker in a foreign language in a foreign country.
  • Sweetness because she is quick to smile and notice kindness in others.

Daring to try

MaryamAbout a year and a half ago, Maryam left her home of Iran to be at her husband’s side in the U.S. while he worked on his Ph.D. studies in physics at Mizzou. She wanted to learn English better and work on speaking so her husband took her to a meeting of the Downtown Toastmasters Club where I am a member.

How was her first meeting? “It was really frightening!” she said. People were hard to understand because they spoke so fluently and fast. Not one to give up easily, she kept returning every week to our Toastmasters meeting.

Her first goal was learning English but more than just finding a place to practice English speaking, she found many good friends. Her new friendships gave her the opportunity to know American culture and let us learn more about Iranian culture over the past year of her membership in Toastmasters.

Maryam gave a speech on how Iranians celebrate their new year in spring with special foods and meaningful symbols on the table . She taught us how they stay up together during the longest night until they see the sun rise. She spoke to us of Persian poets and how their words live in her heart. She made us laugh about her wedding photos and her attempts to make her face look sexy.

American and Iranian cultural exchanges

I asked her how it has been to live in America. She said, “We say America is the land of opportunity. If you can study hard and work hard, you get the best job. It doesn’t depend on your religion or your politics.”

Maryam’s sweet spirit and openness are charming. She looks for the goodness in people. She said, “All Americans are really kind people. People are so open when I say, ‘I’m a foreigner. I came from another country and I’m learning English.’ They encourage me and help me.”

I asked if she ever had difficult experiences because she is a Muslim from Iran and things can seem tense between our two countries. No one has ever said anything bad to her. She said, “Don’t trust your TV. When two governments are not so good to each other, they can make the people of the other country look bad. But people are completely different than politics. We all work, we all have children.”

Challenging days on her own made her stronger

In Iran, adult children usually only leave their parents when they marry. Maryam was an exception. She applied for a MA degree in the south of Iran, far from her family in Tehran. She was alone and had to learn how to handle things by herself. She worked, studied and made friends. After graduation, she got a job that required travel for work. Those days made her stronger.

Life often surprises us. She could never have predicted her current situation living 6,800 miles from home. But she explained that coming to the U.S. was not so hard. Her faith and a sense of purpose gave her strength. She says, “God had a plan. He was preparing me. Because of those days on my own, I could bear being alone without my parents and family. Now I’m OK, no problem!”

No matter where she is, she will never be far from a friend because she makes friends so easily.

Funny stories for the future

Where will she go from here? Maryam says she is not satisfied with her English and feels she should work harder. She used to write a blog and stories in Farsi, her native language. Now she dreams of being a writer in English and making funny stories out of everyday life.

I treasure my friendship with Maryam. Whether she is giving a speech or writing a story, she has an audience in me!